Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
With all three kids napping, I'm here getting my daily fix of daily strength and I'm wondering about some things. I've read so much advice and thoughts about moving forward, rebuilding, forgiveness, and acceptance and on an intellectual level, I fully understand all of these things. The problem is that I am emotionally struggling with these things daily. Things have been going along well for the past month or so. There have been a few bumps in the road, but all in all, I guess we are on the right track. I am worried about me, though. Sometimes I will be going along well, doing fine, and I will suddenly start thinking about all of the affairs, the lies, the deception, and I wonder if I am making the right decision. It still knocks the wind out of me to think that I am sharing my life with someone who could have done this to me. Then all of those nagging questions come back at me. How could he? How can I move forward? What is wrong with me that he would do something like this? How can I be with someone who is capable of this? The rational side of me tries to remain calm, but I become panicked thinking about what my life has become and terrified that I am moving down the wrong path. Sometimes I feel so small and insignificant because of this and I think that I need to stand up for myself and I am not sure if standing up for myself means leaving, or staying and giving him another chance to prove himself to me. I know I should do what makes me happy, but right now I don't know what will make me happy. I kind of think that happiness just isn't possible anymore. The pain will always be there, lurking underneath. I wonder if this is just another part of the healing process. Can any of you relate? And if so, I would love to hear from someone who has come out on the other side of this. Just feeling like I'm spiraling into another deep dark depression, and I could use some encouragement and support. Thanks
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
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Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
If your H is doing everything he should be doing to rebuild your trust in him, then you need to give it time, and keep working 100% yourself.
You've got to let go of the idea that you're not good enough. His affairs probably had more to do with his weaknesses than anything with you.
Up and down!!
Good Luck
H has been working hard to rebuild. We both have, but sometimes I am afraid that no matter what he does, nothing will ever be good enough to make up for this. Maybe we're too far gone?
Tearful,
That is just the problem. When these moods hit, I cannot focus on the present. All I do is think about the past and how stupid I was, and the future and how f***ed I am. Everyone keeps telling me to take one day at a time, time will heal, etc., but when I go off the rails, I obsess about the past and future. I know it is not my fault, but sometimes my insecurities take over and I beat myself up. The only thing I can see that will help my situation is a lobotomy.
Thanks for you support.
Once made, when our emotions take off, we can pull up that decision, and put those thoughts back where they belong.
Living in the "what ifs" and "what if I had done XYZ..." is a road that leads nowhere. You can't go back, you can only go forward.
Feelings aren't facts.
I still have triggers.... I still have moments when I am gripped with fear...I feel it in the pit of my stomach, there are nights that I dream about it, there has not been one day in 2 years that I have not thought about the affair for much of the day....
my husband had a long term affair.... and I guess it will just take me a long time to get over it...
staying in the present is the way to live... re living the past and worrying about the future are counter productive...
all we really have control of are our actions today...
and being happy is a choice... that is what everyone tells me...
we have to decide to be grateful for what we have as opposed to focused on what we lost...
Louise Hay " How To Heal Your Life" is helpful for me.....and prayer....
thank you for giving me some hope in all of this insanity. Sometimes I feel like I am sinking into a bottomless pit of despair and there is no way out. That is how this week has been. On my good days I can see hope for the future, but on the bad ones... well let's just say they are BAD. Can you tell me what you did to help yourself? I know that my happiness depends on me, but it is hard to even get out of bed when these moods strike, let alone do the basic things I need to do for the kids, myself, etc. What did you do to help yourself get through these hard times? Or did H help?
the one thing that helps...is stayng busy...being distracted...