My husband had an emotional affair five years into our marriage and now I found out 9 weeks ago he had another affair 10 years ago. We have been married 32 years. My husband understood if I wanted out of this marriage. In the very beginning it was a no brainer that it was over. But as questions were asked and as much as he hated answering them, he did. The affair lasted one year. He worked with her and they would meet on lunch hours off and one during that year. He told me they met 12-15 times for around 15-20 minutes through out that year. I averaged it out that he spent a whole 4-5 hours in this affair.The first 10 times he met her he said he didn't feel guilty because they would just sit and talk. Then twice it got more physical with touching on the outside of clothing. After those two experiences he said he felt so guilty, but as time passed he shoved his guilt inside and met with her again. This time they went beyond the outside of clothing but no intercouse. Imagination took over on that one for me, but he did tell me what happened. After this he said he was scared, afraid and literally shaking driving home. He came to the conclusion that what happened between them physically was not worth all the emotions he felt after and he broke it off the next day. For me hearing this I asked him if he loved me and if he wanted this marriage to work. His answer was a definite "YES". For two weeks couldn't look at him, couldn't sleep with him, just wanted to hate him. As time went on I decided that I did love him but he had a job to do now. Regain trust and communication. He had one month to tell his children, go one on one with a priest and to seek counseling. He on his own called me during his lunch hour(since this is when it happened)calls me randomly through out his work day, does not hug or get into a long coversation with other women(which he is a people person and very friendly to friends),calls me if he's going somewhere, calls when he's on his way home and calls if he will be late.It didn't take him a month at all to do these things. I told him how proud I was that he put all these conditions into motion as fast as he did. I truly thought he would push the time limit thinking I would back down and wouldn't make him do them. He also is writing me notes every morning and leaving them on the kitchen table. Example: " I know I need to regain your trust and will do that". "I love you, so sorry I hurt you." These notes mean everything to me since he is not the world's best communicator and these words on paper show he's trying to open up. Every day is a new day and I am seeing the sunshining through more and more. It's a journey but at least we are on the right road.
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