My paranoia has been back full force since my birthday. I couldn't figure out why. My h didn't get me a thoughtful gift for v-day or my b-day (17th of Feb) but I tried not to let it bother me. I think I just realized this is a trust issue... It's not about how much he spends. I finally was trusting him again. Trusting he would not hurt me knowingly. I trusted that after the ten months of hell I have been through- he would try and make these days special to me to help replace bad old memories with happy new ones. When he didn't follow through ( and yes I told him I wanted him to do something special) I lost that trust again. Why wouldn't he want to make this special for me? It is still on my mind, but I just realized it wasn't the lack of gift- it was that I trusted him and he let me down again. I don't know if this feeling will go away without me talking to him about it, but I'm afraid it will shut him down again. I don't want to add any more shame or guilt to his plate bc that is what is holding us back the mist right now, his inability to forgive himself.
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