Just a small thought that's been eating at me lately. As I sit and read the postings on the different forums, I see the pain and destruction that simple infidelity causes. In my particular case, I have the added devastation of a sickness, an addiction, and 4 different affairs fueled by these problems and a character flaw. That being said, I am engaged in fixing my marriage, and do truly still love my wife. We will make it. That being said, I am beginning to struggle with the thoughts that I must be a pathetic man to overlook such atrocities and welcome my wife back into the comforts of marriage. It's almost like there's another me sitting beside me saying, "dude what the hell?" I know that for every logical reason, I should have kicked her to the curb, she even admits it. I don't have those feelings inside me right now and that kind of scares me. Am I broken? Co-dependent beyond belief, or just plain in love and not wanting the end of 12 years? I know I will do just fine if forced to, but right now my heart just doesn't want to. It's really a sick little mind game. I guess it could still be shock, but it really feels like we're rebuilding the foundations of our marriage, yet I still get smacked with the reality of the number of affairs, the lies, the deception, and it questions my inner fabric. Perhaps it's because my wife's actions came with a note from a doctor saying she's broken, and an addict and that is playing on my heartstrings of "in sickness and in health". Sorry for blabbing on, just wondering..
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