
Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.

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Why can't I feel his love? He says he does, I believe he's trying.. I just can't feel it. I'm so lonely and I just don't get it. I miss being touched, I miss affection. But, the sad thing is, he never touched or gave affection and NOW I need it and he still can't give it. I want my marriage to work, I just don't know how to make it....
I believe he loves me, I just can't "feel" it, does that make sense?
I believe he loves me, I just can't "feel" it, does that make sense?
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or....does he just not show any affection towards you? is he cold? doesn't touch,hug, etc.?
If it's the first one...then I think all of us here are dealing with that feeling at one time or another...my husband is very affectionate and sometimes I respond..but other times when a thought or memory of the affair crosses my mind... I just go numb for a bit...I guess deep inside I don't trust what he is expressing...don't believe it on a certain level.
now, if he is acting coldly toward you then that is a different thing...has he always been that way? is that his nature? his personality? does he acknowledge that he is not naturally an affectionate person? would he be willing to try to change for you? would he be willing to be coached by you or with the help of a marriage counselor about the importance of showing affection and how he could do this for you? maybe there could be a compromise as to what he feels comfortable with and what you need...maybe its just a pattern of behavior that the two of you have set up...that needs to be changed now...
and the last scenario is....do you think he is acting coldly towards you since the affair? that he is depressed? or is having second thoughts? or is feeling guilty ? or is angry about something?or he doesn't want to be married? is that why he is withholding affection?
the one thing that I feel is so important and something I wish we had realized earlier in my marriage (before the affair) is that a married couple has to communicate! no matter how hard it may be to express their feelings they have to figure out a way to let the other person understand what they are feeling, going through, what is bothering them..so communication is key....
Love is a "verb"...an action-- not a noun-- and there is a difference.
Start by asking yourself that first question. Go from there.
Always here...
Jax