Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
So...
Everyone and their mother knows how much I love this man. However, for ~3 years, I have been bottling up my feelings for him when I am with him. He knows how I feel through my actions/gifts/etc, but until DDay, I was always scared to verbalize everything.
Since DDay, I have been professing my lessons learned, my fears/desires/hopes, how I am here...wanting to work through this...but give him time he needs for processing and regaining trust...
I haven't sent any of my written words to him, though. I keep thinking I should, but I always wonder what tone. I want to be positive, but I also want him to know how difficult it has been... I am not proud of what I did, but it has been the catalyst for a lot of growth and development that needed to happen...and hadn't yet.
I keep trying to take into account gender differences, that he is the BS and I am a CS...that there has been 3.5 months of no F2F time (due to different parts of country in the winter)...and he is traveling abroad until April.
Here's a recent sample of my thoughts:
Subject: trained for...
YOU....
You have spent the last ~3 years training me for adventures with you! Unless, you have given up on me.
I am here for you... I have been telling you and showing you that I have taken this opportunity to grow and develop....and want to apply this to OUR relationship.
You are my best friend, the person I want to go to for love and support. I have been holding back - both for you and myself.... I have needed to learn about myself, to learn about my needs/desires/fears, to learn about relationship dynamics....and the feeling called LOVE.
I wish I could have done this earlier in life... Or somehow managed to have a different catalyst to launch myself into this period of learning and growth.
I wish I wouldn't have hurt you, but I cannot undo the damage... I can only be here to support, encourage, love you....in the ways in which you let me (and sometimes in ways I just can't help but do....because I do love loving you...).
The world is our oyster. We are only limited by our own creativity....at least that is how I feel. I know we can get past this. And I am up for anything that will help you to decide I am trustworthy as your best friend and lover.
I have always feared losing you or letting you down.... And when I got myself into that situation, I did not know how to get out of it without hurting you....or worst yet...losing you. You were fighting for us last year.... You were holding up both ends of the relationship. I am sorry I couldn't do my part.
My biggest fear in life has been losing you, the person who can always bring a smile to my face.... Who motivates me simply by existing, without saying a word... The idea of making you proud, encouraging you, making you laugh....those simple thoughts....inspire me to push myself - to learn new activities, to put myself out there, to plan for the future.
I wish I could have shared these thoughts with you before, but I was scared.
Now, I am scared I have lost you. When all I want to do is plan more and more adventures with you....regardless of if we get to do the adventures together or just encourage each other's individual missions. I am fighting for you like you fought for me last year. I know what it is like to be afraid. I am done "playing chicken." I am putting it all out there for OUR CHANCE to both make those simple promises to be good to one another...and LOVE LIFE...encouraging and supporting one another.
Love is an amazing feeling... It takes an otherwise rational, logical thinker....and ties them in knots! I had no idea until I met you.
Let's go skiing/fishing/rafting! All I want is to share and plan adventures with you.
Everyone and their mother knows how much I love this man. However, for ~3 years, I have been bottling up my feelings for him when I am with him. He knows how I feel through my actions/gifts/etc, but until DDay, I was always scared to verbalize everything.
Since DDay, I have been professing my lessons learned, my fears/desires/hopes, how I am here...wanting to work through this...but give him time he needs for processing and regaining trust...
I haven't sent any of my written words to him, though. I keep thinking I should, but I always wonder what tone. I want to be positive, but I also want him to know how difficult it has been... I am not proud of what I did, but it has been the catalyst for a lot of growth and development that needed to happen...and hadn't yet.
I keep trying to take into account gender differences, that he is the BS and I am a CS...that there has been 3.5 months of no F2F time (due to different parts of country in the winter)...and he is traveling abroad until April.
Here's a recent sample of my thoughts:
Subject: trained for...
YOU....
You have spent the last ~3 years training me for adventures with you! Unless, you have given up on me.
I am here for you... I have been telling you and showing you that I have taken this opportunity to grow and develop....and want to apply this to OUR relationship.
You are my best friend, the person I want to go to for love and support. I have been holding back - both for you and myself.... I have needed to learn about myself, to learn about my needs/desires/fears, to learn about relationship dynamics....and the feeling called LOVE.
I wish I could have done this earlier in life... Or somehow managed to have a different catalyst to launch myself into this period of learning and growth.
I wish I wouldn't have hurt you, but I cannot undo the damage... I can only be here to support, encourage, love you....in the ways in which you let me (and sometimes in ways I just can't help but do....because I do love loving you...).
The world is our oyster. We are only limited by our own creativity....at least that is how I feel. I know we can get past this. And I am up for anything that will help you to decide I am trustworthy as your best friend and lover.
I have always feared losing you or letting you down.... And when I got myself into that situation, I did not know how to get out of it without hurting you....or worst yet...losing you. You were fighting for us last year.... You were holding up both ends of the relationship. I am sorry I couldn't do my part.
My biggest fear in life has been losing you, the person who can always bring a smile to my face.... Who motivates me simply by existing, without saying a word... The idea of making you proud, encouraging you, making you laugh....those simple thoughts....inspire me to push myself - to learn new activities, to put myself out there, to plan for the future.
I wish I could have shared these thoughts with you before, but I was scared.
Now, I am scared I have lost you. When all I want to do is plan more and more adventures with you....regardless of if we get to do the adventures together or just encourage each other's individual missions. I am fighting for you like you fought for me last year. I know what it is like to be afraid. I am done "playing chicken." I am putting it all out there for OUR CHANCE to both make those simple promises to be good to one another...and LOVE LIFE...encouraging and supporting one another.
Love is an amazing feeling... It takes an otherwise rational, logical thinker....and ties them in knots! I had no idea until I met you.
Let's go skiing/fishing/rafting! All I want is to share and plan adventures with you.
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Think of anything other than all of those happy trips/adventures we have wanted to do.... My funk is gone...and I am here to share my happiness with you.
The new skills and meals....cookies....etc....we want to try ;)
You are the man who has always and continues to inspire me.
I can finally say the things I have needed to say....and be the girl I am.
Let's get to it! You adorably handsome....man of a man! I miss you, the man who makes me feel like a girlie girl.
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"In case you're wondering, I am still here with my a big grin and your smurf pants waiting to go fishing/rafting/hiking...or whatever we choose! Looking forward to hearing your tales! Thinking of you with a fish on....and your huge smile."
Do you know the fear I have of pushing him further away??? He listens to me say all of this stuff to him on the phone, but then he says stuff like "I am not at that point yet" or worse yet...."I do now want a romantic relationship with you."
With him in Argentina, I feel like I should at least wait until he gets back....so he doesn't have to deal with any unwanted thoughts/feelings/whatever....
Or am I mistaken? I know when I have something I want to address....but am gone....I stress out. But everyone is different....
******************
Is to melt your heart....like chocolate for making fondue ;) Is that cheesey enough for you, Milk Man?
I miss you. I just want to show you the girl you first met is back...and STRONGER than ever. I've got all this PMA to share with you!
(PMA - positive mental attitude, he always used to say "more PMA less PMS")
A text for my dad somehow ended up going to L instead... I said in one of the texts "done pushing you about us."
It is tough for me to want to "push" or say anything about our situation with him being on a trip because I feel like it is an emotional bomb of sorts waiting for him in his inbox...
Maybe just a quick note telling him I am thinking about him on his adventures:
Last night, I went chasing the Northern Lights and couldn't help but think about you on your adventure down South, wondering where in the world is L.A.?
Of course I know - ARGENTINA...but just thinking about you.