I guess in an effort to move on with my life I am trying to understand what the hell happened. How did he think it was ok to hurt me like that? He called me names, embarrassed me in front of my friends, grabbed me so hard it left bruises, beat me, held me down until I told him what he wanted to hear, raped me multiple times, raped me so violently that he wanted me to scream in pain and even bleed. Then he had the nerve to tell me he loved me, that I made him so crazy that he could not control himself, that I made him angry on purpose, and that I didn't deserve anyone better than him. Then this bastard would kiss me like he really did love me. What did I do to deserve any of that? Why did he think it was ok to hurt me over and over? I tried to stop him, he was stronger than me. . . When I told people who I thought were friends they didn't believe me! When I tried to leave him he would threaten to kill himself, me, or someone I loved! AND NOW HE SLEEPS EASILY AND I'M THE ONE WITH PTSD! What the hell did I do???? I can't go on like this . . . it's killing me slowly but surely. And no one understands, they just want me to forget and move on. . . Don't they think if I COULD FORGET I WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT!! Help!?
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