a couple nights ago, i think i was raped. i was at a party, kick back, whatever. we were all drinking, a lot. i remember everything. at one point i went to find my friend who was upstairs in the kids house we were at's room. i went up there and there were a few people up there we were talking and stuff and i passed out on the bed and i remember when i did and what was going on around me when i did. the next thing i knew i was downstairs and on the floor. it was like when someone is waking you up by slapping you or something, you feel it, but it takes you a bit to recognize what you are feeling. i was in that state, i could feel the guy...having sex...with me.it was my first time, i was a virgin. it was painful but i couldnt connect what i was feeling, when i did, i figured it was someone else, not the person it was. i was thinking, maybe i said it out loud im not sure, stop stop it hurts stop. i finally opened my eyes and realized it wasnt the person i thought it was. i was shocked. he pulled out after some force on my part and then tried to make me give him head. i didnt want too. i got up and got my pants back on. the kid was also my ride home. he was also on ecstacy. after i had gotten up at this time i still didnt connect what had happened, only the next day did i connect that it was possibly rape. after we went somewhere where i thought there was more beer, he began threatning to drink more and i needed him not too because i needed the ride home, so i told him i would give him head if he didnt drink anymore. we were in the kitchen talking for a bit and then went back to where we were earlier, i blew him for litrally a second and didnt want too, he started to take my pants off and again, and i dont know why, but i let him. it went on for 3 minutes and once again i made him stop. I still have no proof that i didnt jsut black out and consent but i have blacked out before and i am almsot positive this isnt what happened this time. I want to talk to a couneler or somebody about this, but i am scared, i dont want them to tell my family beuase i was drinking and i feel terrible but id rahter not talk to anyone at all but i am scared that it is a rule for councelers and therapists and such to tell about rape...is it a rule they must follow?
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