okay this is getting crazy it just happened last month so it is still fresh in my mind but this is getting to be way to much. i mean everytime i try to sleep at night i keep on seeing it happen over and over again it is getting to the point that i am refusing to sleep because i am tired of seeing it happen and it is like i am acutually there i have to get up and take a shower because i feel so dirty and i hate it it is getting so bad. i never feel clean. i met this guy in school and he is really sweet and nice and is like the only one who is not treating me like shit. but i am afraid to get close to him because i am afraid that he might rape me or hit me if i say no to something or don't agree with what he says. i mean if i have been raped more than once then what says that it won't happen again. i am just tired of being scared of men. i mean i like them and all i get along with them great but i am just afraid that they might hurt me.
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