i hope i do not offend anyone by the content of this post. i need advice on what i should do or say. okay i was raped a long time ago. then i got married later. my husband was so sweet and attentive when i first married him. he knows about me being raped. something has changed w/ him. i have the lowest of low self esteem. i would do anything for him not to leave me. i want to be every thing that he wants and needs. i love him more than anybody even myself. but he has showed me that he wants something and im uncomfortable w/ it b/c it makes me think he is like a rapist or something. no, he hasn't raped me. i have let him do whatever even when it makes me sick to my stomach. he did not like things like this (at least i dont think) when we first married. i just dont think i can even write specificly what he does b/c to me i just think hes almost sick. what should i do? im serious i think what if i dont satisfy him the way he wants he may go find someone to rape. well i guess i can say this much he gives me the impression that he is fantasizing about raping (me? someone else?) when we are together by the things he says and the things he does to me. i dont know if maybe this wouldnt be such a problem for me if i had not been raped in the past. am i just being a little girl about this? is this my issue? his? a marital issue? this is sooo very embarrassing to talk about i cant say anything to him or anyone i know. can anyone that's sincere give me some helpful advice? i have to stay w/ him and i have to make him happy. how can i deal w/ this?
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