It's not your fault. Your rapists were the ones who decided to do that to you without your consent - not you. You have none of the blame.

Are you in counseling? Could you find someone? I know there are places that counsel rape survivors for free. You could go to www.rainn.org or call 800.656.HOPE if you need a referral, or look up a local rape crisis center.

You don't give enough information for us to know what you are using to blame yourself...but, I can tell you one thing about self-blame - we have all done it. For some of us, it is what we wore, where we were, what we said, what we drank or ingested.....but, for all of us - we are wrong. None of these things could ever cause a rape to happen. Rape happenes because of a rapist and that rapist causing an opportunity to arise. Rapists are skilled in focusing blame on us, during the attack, so, on the other side of the rape, we find it difficult not to believe the things we were told. WHY WOULD WE BELIEVE A RAPIST? In any other time in our lives, we would never believe anything this person has to say, so why when we are raped?

You have the same account as me...at least that I was raped, and then years alter, I was attacked again but he was not sucessful, so, I know whaty you mean about feeling like it must be something you did. But, it isn't. It is something that this rapist did that caused him to focus on you, to believe he was willing to risk being caught - neither of which was caused by you.

No victim of rape can cause a rape, not one. The reason being, that rape is a criminal act, performed by a criminal upon a victim, based on the rapist's choice to engage in this particular crime.

In the book Resurrection After Rape, there is a sentence that reads:

"Opportunity doesn't create rapists, rapists create opportunities."

I hope you can absorb those words, and come to believe them as I have.

It's not your fault. I know, it's easy for me to say that and SO much harder for survivors (myself included) to get our heads around. I've been raped 7 times by 3 different men. 4 my grandfather and the other 2 by guys a barely knew. I often wonder if something is wrong with me, if I did something to put myself in that position, if I made them think that I wanted it, the list goes on and on. I try to remind myself that I was raped, I was violated and that in my saying no it was not my fault. But, that's hard. I ask myself why this keeps happening all the time. It's a tough one as they happened in different locations, under different circumstances. I urge you to seek counseling. I've been in therapy for 14 years, it has not always been a great experience but it has been helpful. I went though a bunch of therapists before I found my current one who is a good fit and wonderful to work with. So, hunt around, if you don't click with one therapist try another, and another. You can use rainn to get a referral or your doctor or even your insurance company. Hope this helps.

If you stop to consider that 1 in 3 women are sexually assaulted in the USA, you will begin to understand that it is not the victim's fault. The stats on men being assaulted is not too reliable, as a lot of men do not report the crime. The number of women who do not report the crime, I personally think is fairly high as well.
There is nothing wrong with you. Once an abuser sets his/her mind on assaulting someone, it becomes a force inside of the abuser. I am glad the second attempt did not result in sexual assault.
Stop blaming yourself. You have a right to live your life without some low life punk trying to take control of you.
Best for the future, Love, Becky

i know it sucks hey, i had been attacked(i cant say the word) once a few years ago and then again just last year around this time, and you just feel like everything is pointing to you cause well its happened more than once, so it must be you. but though i cant answer why it happens, but i can say this, we can only be responsible for our own actions, we cant be responsible for the actions of others. if we didnt want it to happen, even if we couldnt do anything to protect ourselves out of fear or whatever reason, they chose to do the wrong thing, they are responsible for that act, that means that its not your fault what those guys did to you. i know its hard to accept when its happened and when its happened again, even i struggle at times, evn now. but its something to remember. i hope that this helps, even if but a lil bit. i hope that your able to find the help and support you need, but if you need to chat.. im here and htere are gr8 ppl here as well to help you thru or even just to listen.

With all due respect, I can not agree with cassie87. It doesn't matter how firm or weak you say no..no is no.
This sounds like by not being firm or loud in say no, it is somehow your fault. It isn't.
Rape is not sex...it is power and control. It is an assault, using sex as the weapon.
Cassie, I hate to believe that somehow you equate your assault with maybe your not being forceful enough.
God Bless you ladies..Becky

If i weren't blind, I'd say no with a shotgun or a taser or some acid on their crotches.

Just as Em said, it is NOT your fault. Never was and never will be. Your rapist was the decision maker in this situation. You have no reasoning behind blaming yourself. None whatsoever.

Many of us have been molested as children as well as raped as adults. I was not acknowledged after the third time my brother molested me. Therefore it went on and on and I kept my mouth shut after that. I learned how to drift into the pores in the walls and just disappear when it happened.

Do you think this in anyway sets us up for rape as adults? I've done a lot of thinking about that and can't come up with an answer. I mean did I not say no enough or did I just let it happen as an adult because that's the way the world goes?

I know, as a child that it was not my fault, but I can't wrap my head around what happened to me as a 43 year old adult at the time. Five days of grueling torture. What made me a target? Did I have a big 'loser' sign on my forehead or what?

Nope, don't get it.

Rape statistics speak for themselves. As an example, in my home country South Africa, one in two women will be raped in her lifetime - maybe even more. Every day 1300 women are raped. I'm sure statistics are similarly grim in the US. Is it then surprising if it happens more than once to one woman?

I've been raped three times in my life, I definitely can relate to how you are feeling. Sometimes I just want to ask people if there's a message across my forehead that says "Hurt me!"

It's not your fault though. It's never your fault!

I know how you feel. I was sexually assaulted twice and raped once. Two of these incidents happened within months of each other this year.