I am at a loss as to what to do and I'm wondering if I can even survive much longer with whats going on. I have been raped a total of five times in my life. The earliest was when I was 8 and the latest was when I was 30, I'm now 31. I'm having horrible flashbacks and body memories during the day and I hardly sleep at night because of the nightmares. I'm all alone for the holidays. I'm staying at a friends house where there are guns, knives and a whole lot of other options if I so choose that, not saying that I am suicidal. I have been living in a residential facility for women in Indiana. I'm from Kansas city, Missouri. I was told I couldn't go home while the house was closed over the holidays because of the toxic environment of my family at home. The biggest struggle I've been having is the triggers. The family that I'm staying with uses household products that are a huge trigger for me, the smell of them makes me sick! The one that is especially triggering for me is Old Spice, the dad uses the body wash and the cologne. The Dad is a huge guy that can be scary because I don't know him all that well. They mom is not sociable and seems to not even care that I am here. I've been sitting in the same place on the computer since 1pm it is now almost 7:30pm. I don't know what to do? The neighbor that brutely rapped me when I was eight had a house and smells similar to where I am now and I really am at a loss as to what to do. I hurt so bad and I know it's just psychosomatic, i.e. body memories. I still have two whole weeks of staying here and I just don't know what to do. help if you can.
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