Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
Hey,
so to all of you who read my previous post and replied or sent me a personal message - THANK YOU it means more than you could know. I really don't know if I would have made it through the past few years if it wasn't for the people I have been fortunate enough to meet on-line.
I'm sorry if the previous post seemed needy or melodramatic.....its just that I'm really not good at expressing when someone or something has hurt me and I internalise it so I am trying to be open and put it out there - that doesn't mean that I am angry with or blame anyone for not replying I understand that life happens and people have their own things to deal with. Sometimes posts are missed or you just don't have it in you to respond or don't have words or whatever I know I have those days too, the post wasn't aimed at anyone I just had to get it out of me.
The posts that weren't responded to were to do with my visit to the gynecologist......its just really hard because I had to go, I never got tested after any of my rapes and I knew that as part of my healing I had to know if they had left me any permanent physical reminders.......I was really terrified of going and no-one here really was able to understand my panic......they seemed to have an attitude of "well no-one likes to go hun, it's just something we all have to do".......and I am thankful that they can't understand because I think you can only really understand if you have been there and I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy......
One of my sorority sisters was supposed to come with me but at the last minute wasn't able to, but she didn't let me know until about 10 or 15 minutes before and so it was too late to get anyone else.......I drove there fighting intensely with myself "Just turn the car around, you don't have to go, you can't do this, you've been fine not going so far it'll be fine" then "No you have to go, you HAVE to do this, you need to know and this is a symbolic milestone, you can do this, you are strong enough" I came to the conclusion while driving that I would just drive there and if I couldn't walk in the door so be it......I walked in the door and decided if I couldn't sit in the waiting room I would leave......they kept me waiting quite sometime, every 10 seconds or so I would have to force myself to remain seated and not run hysterically sobbing from the building, but I remained seated probably looking like a deer in headlights fiddling incessantly with my piercings.......finally a woman in scrubs came through the door and called my name......I thought I was going to have a heart attack right then........my legs didn't want to respond, I had to use every ounce of my will power to propel myself from the seat.......I followed her down the hallway to a room where she didn't close the door and began asking me basic health questions, took my blood pressure - then came the salt in the wound, I struggle with eating disorder issues too and when they put me on effexor (which is the first drug which has come close to having any positive effect) I gained more weight than I can bear - "Ok honey just pop on the scale" she says as if it is the easiest and painless thing in the world, my heart drops, can this get any worse. I take a deep breath, try to swallow the lump that is choking me in my throat and fight my body not to release tears.......of course she has no idea that this might be an issue for me because well I'm fat......so I watch her push the weights up the numbers and I just wanted to die right there and then......she smiles and guides me back to the examination room.......
I sit down in a chair next to the table and she assures me someone will be with me soon.......I'm sure I was only alone in there for a maximum of 10 minutes or so but it felt like weeks, I thought I was going to throw up......I was trying to maintain regular deep breaths but my chest wouldn't allow me to pull in any air, my heart was beating so fast I felt certain that any moment it would give up through exhaustion I almost longed for that because then I would not have to go through with this........I tried to do the positive thinking exercise that my therapist had suggested but I couldn't calm my mind or slow my thoughts long enough to try and think of a nice place.......finally a woman in a patterned, knit sweater arrived with a laptop.......of course she was enviously skinny and I tried to attain a composure that was a little closer to sane and further from what felt like an imminent panic attack.......she told me that the doctor hadn't arrived back yet but that she would go through some of the questions with me and then we would see if the doctor had returned if not I could choose to wait or she could do the exam for me.
She went through family history and medical history and then came the fun part, sexual history......I never know how much you are "supposed" to tell people, how much is appropriate......I just told her that I had been raped a few years ago and had never had any kind of exam or tests and so I was really nervous.......she was very nice and typed something into her laptop.......
Finally the doctor arrived and said she wanted to sit and talk with me a bit before the exam, she came in - some people had told me prior to my visit that she didn't have the best bedside manner - but she was really nice, she told me that the nurse had told her that I was very nervous and she asked me to tell her a little bit about why and what had happened, I gave her the numb, brief version of my story that I have prepared in my mind for such occasions I wanted to cry and beg her not to do this but I knew I couldn't do that......we talked a little about being in therapy and she told me about some support groups in the area........the doctor is actually a lesbian and runs the practice with her partner and she talked with me about my sexuality and her concerns for me due to the fact that I go to such a conservative, anti-gay school and she gave me some numbers of people in the nearest city who are involved in LGBT groups as she felt it was important that I have some support in that area. She asked me if I had any questions or anything else I wanted to talk about and then said she would leave the room so I could change into the robe......
I stood there in this clinical room and held the thin cotton robe in my hands and wanted to throw up right there and then or curl up in the fetal position and just cry.......but I closed off that side of myself and chastised myself for being so stupid and immature, "women do this every day why can't you just be like everyone else and just get on with these things, you're such a fucking drama queen, just put the stupid robe on and do this, they must think you are absolutely ridiculous" - although in reality I was in control of this situation and entered into it voluntarily I felt absolutely trapped and coerced into doing this, with each piece of clothing removed I felt more and more disgusted, vulnerable, ashamed, dirty, repulsed.....I just wanted to die right then and there.......it was a familiar feeling, the same feeling as being pressed into an ugly, cheap carpet with a man on top of you using his weight and strength to keep you where he wanted you.......I pulled the robe over me and tried to tie it somewhere that it would cover as much of me as possible......
She came back in and asked if I was ok.......what was I supposed to say? "No, I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown!" - I look at the floor "sure"......she informs me that they have to have someone else there while they do the exam which I already knew but it still somehow made matters worse......she began with the breast exam which was awkward but not heartbreaking.......then it was time.......throughout the whole thing I kept turning my head to the side to try and hold back the flood of tears that were building but each time my head moved she would ask "Are you ok?" which I did appreciate but all I could think was "No I'm not fucking ok, a piece of me is dying inside, I feel like I am back in the last place I ever want to be again, I feel like I am being assaulted all over again, I feel like I am about to lose my mind and fall over the edge into permanent insanity, so no I am not fucking ok!" but what could would it do to say no, "mm hmm" I responded weakly - she had to do her job and I had to hold it together until I was dressed and in my car with a cigarette......she had some difficulty getting the exam done which made matters worse, once she had done the smear then she had to feel the cervix......I think that was the worst part of the whole thing because it wasn't an instrument, it no longer felt clinical - although I know it was just another part of the medical procedure for her - for me there was part of her inside of me......that was the moment when I came closest to losing my feeble grasp on appearing sane.......finally it was over and she said she would give me a moment to redress, I couldn't wait to get the layers of clothing covering my body again......
She came back in and gave me some paperwork and asked how I was doing.......I wanted to scream "Please just let me go so I can lose it in the privacy of my car" but I held it down and answered her questions and thanked her for her understanding ......went to the receptionist's desk and made a follow up appointment and completed everything......
Finally I left the building and as I walked out the door into the cold outside my lungs gasped for crisp, external air......I ran to my car, lit a cigarette, rested my head on the steering wheel and sobbed, I couldn't try to hold it back or control it my whole body shook with each cry - it felt like I was crying for each of those three occasions when I never allowed myself to shed these tears........as much as she was nice and did nothing wrong I was angry at the doctor for the whole thing......
Once I had calmed down to some extent I tried to figure out what to do next, it was 1:30 and I had work at 4:30 - I knew if I went home and curled up in a ball like I wanted to I would never get up again......so I decided to go to campus and try and carry on as normal as much as possible.......I met up with some of my sorority sisters and it was so hard to maintain existence around them because for them this was just another ordinary day, nothing significant had occurred in their lives that day, they went to class, they ate lunch - any other Tuesday looked much the same and they had no way of knowing that I felt like my world was falling apart around me and I didn't have the strength or the words to try and explain because I knew no matter how much they wanted to they would never be able to understand.....
I haven't been the same since that day, I have been anxious and on edge, I've been irritable and angry, I haven't been sleeping even more so than usual......I don't know what to do, my therapist is a guy and I think he feels a little out of his depth so I am now see a sexual assault counsellor as well as him, I saw her for the first time last week - she's very nice, she is also a rape survivor, but I have never done well with women in the counseling role in my life, it's too easy for me to opt out and avoid talking about what is necessary because women tend to let me direct the way conversation goes which is too easy for me - so I am going to try and really push myself out of my comfort zone but we'll see how it goes.....
I know this is something you never "get over" but you learn to live with but I just have no idea what the next step in that journey is.....
If you actually read all of this then you are an amazing person who I will hold close to my heart, it keeps me going to know that there are people out there like you who really do care despite my own short comings and inadequacies......thank you!
Any words of reflection, advice or encouragement or well really anything will be much appreciated......
so to all of you who read my previous post and replied or sent me a personal message - THANK YOU it means more than you could know. I really don't know if I would have made it through the past few years if it wasn't for the people I have been fortunate enough to meet on-line.
I'm sorry if the previous post seemed needy or melodramatic.....its just that I'm really not good at expressing when someone or something has hurt me and I internalise it so I am trying to be open and put it out there - that doesn't mean that I am angry with or blame anyone for not replying I understand that life happens and people have their own things to deal with. Sometimes posts are missed or you just don't have it in you to respond or don't have words or whatever I know I have those days too, the post wasn't aimed at anyone I just had to get it out of me.
The posts that weren't responded to were to do with my visit to the gynecologist......its just really hard because I had to go, I never got tested after any of my rapes and I knew that as part of my healing I had to know if they had left me any permanent physical reminders.......I was really terrified of going and no-one here really was able to understand my panic......they seemed to have an attitude of "well no-one likes to go hun, it's just something we all have to do".......and I am thankful that they can't understand because I think you can only really understand if you have been there and I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy......
One of my sorority sisters was supposed to come with me but at the last minute wasn't able to, but she didn't let me know until about 10 or 15 minutes before and so it was too late to get anyone else.......I drove there fighting intensely with myself "Just turn the car around, you don't have to go, you can't do this, you've been fine not going so far it'll be fine" then "No you have to go, you HAVE to do this, you need to know and this is a symbolic milestone, you can do this, you are strong enough" I came to the conclusion while driving that I would just drive there and if I couldn't walk in the door so be it......I walked in the door and decided if I couldn't sit in the waiting room I would leave......they kept me waiting quite sometime, every 10 seconds or so I would have to force myself to remain seated and not run hysterically sobbing from the building, but I remained seated probably looking like a deer in headlights fiddling incessantly with my piercings.......finally a woman in scrubs came through the door and called my name......I thought I was going to have a heart attack right then........my legs didn't want to respond, I had to use every ounce of my will power to propel myself from the seat.......I followed her down the hallway to a room where she didn't close the door and began asking me basic health questions, took my blood pressure - then came the salt in the wound, I struggle with eating disorder issues too and when they put me on effexor (which is the first drug which has come close to having any positive effect) I gained more weight than I can bear - "Ok honey just pop on the scale" she says as if it is the easiest and painless thing in the world, my heart drops, can this get any worse. I take a deep breath, try to swallow the lump that is choking me in my throat and fight my body not to release tears.......of course she has no idea that this might be an issue for me because well I'm fat......so I watch her push the weights up the numbers and I just wanted to die right there and then......she smiles and guides me back to the examination room.......
I sit down in a chair next to the table and she assures me someone will be with me soon.......I'm sure I was only alone in there for a maximum of 10 minutes or so but it felt like weeks, I thought I was going to throw up......I was trying to maintain regular deep breaths but my chest wouldn't allow me to pull in any air, my heart was beating so fast I felt certain that any moment it would give up through exhaustion I almost longed for that because then I would not have to go through with this........I tried to do the positive thinking exercise that my therapist had suggested but I couldn't calm my mind or slow my thoughts long enough to try and think of a nice place.......finally a woman in a patterned, knit sweater arrived with a laptop.......of course she was enviously skinny and I tried to attain a composure that was a little closer to sane and further from what felt like an imminent panic attack.......she told me that the doctor hadn't arrived back yet but that she would go through some of the questions with me and then we would see if the doctor had returned if not I could choose to wait or she could do the exam for me.
She went through family history and medical history and then came the fun part, sexual history......I never know how much you are "supposed" to tell people, how much is appropriate......I just told her that I had been raped a few years ago and had never had any kind of exam or tests and so I was really nervous.......she was very nice and typed something into her laptop.......
Finally the doctor arrived and said she wanted to sit and talk with me a bit before the exam, she came in - some people had told me prior to my visit that she didn't have the best bedside manner - but she was really nice, she told me that the nurse had told her that I was very nervous and she asked me to tell her a little bit about why and what had happened, I gave her the numb, brief version of my story that I have prepared in my mind for such occasions I wanted to cry and beg her not to do this but I knew I couldn't do that......we talked a little about being in therapy and she told me about some support groups in the area........the doctor is actually a lesbian and runs the practice with her partner and she talked with me about my sexuality and her concerns for me due to the fact that I go to such a conservative, anti-gay school and she gave me some numbers of people in the nearest city who are involved in LGBT groups as she felt it was important that I have some support in that area. She asked me if I had any questions or anything else I wanted to talk about and then said she would leave the room so I could change into the robe......
I stood there in this clinical room and held the thin cotton robe in my hands and wanted to throw up right there and then or curl up in the fetal position and just cry.......but I closed off that side of myself and chastised myself for being so stupid and immature, "women do this every day why can't you just be like everyone else and just get on with these things, you're such a fucking drama queen, just put the stupid robe on and do this, they must think you are absolutely ridiculous" - although in reality I was in control of this situation and entered into it voluntarily I felt absolutely trapped and coerced into doing this, with each piece of clothing removed I felt more and more disgusted, vulnerable, ashamed, dirty, repulsed.....I just wanted to die right then and there.......it was a familiar feeling, the same feeling as being pressed into an ugly, cheap carpet with a man on top of you using his weight and strength to keep you where he wanted you.......I pulled the robe over me and tried to tie it somewhere that it would cover as much of me as possible......
She came back in and asked if I was ok.......what was I supposed to say? "No, I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown!" - I look at the floor "sure"......she informs me that they have to have someone else there while they do the exam which I already knew but it still somehow made matters worse......she began with the breast exam which was awkward but not heartbreaking.......then it was time.......throughout the whole thing I kept turning my head to the side to try and hold back the flood of tears that were building but each time my head moved she would ask "Are you ok?" which I did appreciate but all I could think was "No I'm not fucking ok, a piece of me is dying inside, I feel like I am back in the last place I ever want to be again, I feel like I am being assaulted all over again, I feel like I am about to lose my mind and fall over the edge into permanent insanity, so no I am not fucking ok!" but what could would it do to say no, "mm hmm" I responded weakly - she had to do her job and I had to hold it together until I was dressed and in my car with a cigarette......she had some difficulty getting the exam done which made matters worse, once she had done the smear then she had to feel the cervix......I think that was the worst part of the whole thing because it wasn't an instrument, it no longer felt clinical - although I know it was just another part of the medical procedure for her - for me there was part of her inside of me......that was the moment when I came closest to losing my feeble grasp on appearing sane.......finally it was over and she said she would give me a moment to redress, I couldn't wait to get the layers of clothing covering my body again......
She came back in and gave me some paperwork and asked how I was doing.......I wanted to scream "Please just let me go so I can lose it in the privacy of my car" but I held it down and answered her questions and thanked her for her understanding ......went to the receptionist's desk and made a follow up appointment and completed everything......
Finally I left the building and as I walked out the door into the cold outside my lungs gasped for crisp, external air......I ran to my car, lit a cigarette, rested my head on the steering wheel and sobbed, I couldn't try to hold it back or control it my whole body shook with each cry - it felt like I was crying for each of those three occasions when I never allowed myself to shed these tears........as much as she was nice and did nothing wrong I was angry at the doctor for the whole thing......
Once I had calmed down to some extent I tried to figure out what to do next, it was 1:30 and I had work at 4:30 - I knew if I went home and curled up in a ball like I wanted to I would never get up again......so I decided to go to campus and try and carry on as normal as much as possible.......I met up with some of my sorority sisters and it was so hard to maintain existence around them because for them this was just another ordinary day, nothing significant had occurred in their lives that day, they went to class, they ate lunch - any other Tuesday looked much the same and they had no way of knowing that I felt like my world was falling apart around me and I didn't have the strength or the words to try and explain because I knew no matter how much they wanted to they would never be able to understand.....
I haven't been the same since that day, I have been anxious and on edge, I've been irritable and angry, I haven't been sleeping even more so than usual......I don't know what to do, my therapist is a guy and I think he feels a little out of his depth so I am now see a sexual assault counsellor as well as him, I saw her for the first time last week - she's very nice, she is also a rape survivor, but I have never done well with women in the counseling role in my life, it's too easy for me to opt out and avoid talking about what is necessary because women tend to let me direct the way conversation goes which is too easy for me - so I am going to try and really push myself out of my comfort zone but we'll see how it goes.....
I know this is something you never "get over" but you learn to live with but I just have no idea what the next step in that journey is.....
If you actually read all of this then you are an amazing person who I will hold close to my heart, it keeps me going to know that there are people out there like you who really do care despite my own short comings and inadequacies......thank you!
Any words of reflection, advice or encouragement or well really anything will be much appreciated......
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
That's the anxiety you have i assure you. You are very detailed AND write beautifully. It was almost like I had been at that doctor's with you! Maybe you should reconsider your major!!
WAS it two years ago when you were raped? I'm new to this board, but I have a long post on here about my rape. I'm assuming because you are just now getting to an OB/GYN that you didn't report it, etc........ again, I'm having to guess because I don't know the specifics.
You made a comment about her that I have some concern about, but the other thing is............. if you felt the horror and the disgrace going after two years, I wish I had seen your original post. You could've sat in that office and imagined the fear and the horror of a violent rape victim who is taken immediately to the ER for an examination and a rape kit is done. I say that because sometimes when I have to do things that I want to climb out the bathroom window and escape, I try to think about "What if it were worse and I.....................". It works.
The part that concerns me is you said she is lesbian. Well, the fact that she is a lesbian doesn't concern me as I have many friends who have made that choice in life, it's the fact that she gave you numbers of LGBT groups just because you go to a anti-gay school? Why would she do that? It to me would've screamed, "OK......... I've been raped so I may never want another man to touch me so maybe I should become lesbian." Giving you that information, IMO, was not professional. She should not have blended her personal life and her professional life into your visit. You have enough problems right now trying to fight thru all this and find your identity again. That's kind of like going to a male doctor and him telling you he is gay and giving you literature on life of gays. But that's my initial thoughts on reading your post. I could be totally off base. It WAS good that she gave you numbers to rape support groups. You need to call those.
And as for your sorority sisters, friends, others just walking down the street, yes I know how you feel about how they are just going about their normal business and you're falling apart inside. What you have to accept is they don't see your pain. They didn't go thru what you did. Only those support groups and the ladies here and feel your pain and share in it.
It's like.......... have you ever caught a documentary or something on TV with a woman who is detailing her rape? Or a true lifestory movie? Are you drawn to it? I know that I am. It's been 23 years since I was violently raped by a stranger, but I am still to this day drawn to other rape victims. Why? Because they lived it.......... they know my pain and I can relate to them. Same with this board. We can all relate to one another no matter what kind of "rape" situation it was. Rape is rape........... it can take different colors, shapes and forms, but rape is rape.
You had a lot of strength that day and you should be proud of yourself. If it took you two years, I can't imagine what the last two years of your life has been like. You finally took that step and went for an exam. That was your first step toward healing.
What's your second step? Gotta take that second step and not wait another 2 years. Calling one those support groups? How about just calling a hotline and telling your whole store to a stranger over the phone that you don't have to look at eye-to-eye? There's gotta be a second step. What's it gonna be? There are steps to healing, my friend, don't quit climbing.
That's the anxiety you have i assure you. You are very detailed AND write beautifully. It was almost like I had been at that doctor's with you! Maybe you should reconsider your major!!
WAS it two years ago when you were raped? I'm new to this board, but I have a long post on here about my rape. I'm assuming because you are just now getting to an OB/GYN that you didn't report it, etc........ again, I'm having to guess because I don't know the specifics.
You made a comment about her that I have some concern about, but the other thing is............. if you felt the horror and the disgrace going after two years, I wish I had seen your original post. You could've sat in that office and imagined the fear and the horror of a violent rape victim who is taken immediately to the ER for an examination and a rape kit is done. I say that because sometimes when I have to do things that I want to climb out the bathroom window and escape, I try to think about "What if it were worse and I.....................". It works.
The part that concerns me is you said she is lesbian. Well, the fact that she is a lesbian doesn't concern me as I have many friends who have made that choice in life, it's the fact that she gave you numbers of LGBT groups just because you go to a anti-gay school? Why would she do that? It to me would've screamed, "OK......... I've been raped so I may never want another man to touch me so maybe I should become lesbian." Giving you that information, IMO, was not professional. She should not have blended her personal life and her professional life into your visit. You have enough problems right now trying to fight thru all this and find your identity again. That's kind of like going to a male doctor and him telling you he is gay and giving you literature on life of gays. But that's my initial thoughts on reading your post. I could be totally off base. It WAS good that she gave you numbers to rape support groups. You need to call those.
And as for your sorority sisters, friends, others just walking down the street, yes I know how you feel about how they are just going about their normal business and you're falling apart inside. What you have to accept is they don't see your pain. They didn't go thru what you did. Only those support groups and the ladies here and feel your pain and share in it.
It's like.......... have you ever caught a documentary or something on TV with a woman who is detailing her rape? Or a true lifestory movie? Are you drawn to it? I know that I am. It's been 23 years since I was violently raped by a stranger, but I am still to this day drawn to other rape victims. Why? Because they lived it.......... they know my pain and I can relate to them. Same with this board. We can all relate to one another no matter what kind of "rape" situation it was. Rape is rape........... it can take different colors, shapes and forms, but rape is rape.
You had a lot of strength that day and you should be proud of yourself. If it took you two years, I can't imagine what the last two years of your life has been like. You finally took that step and went for an exam. That was your first step toward healing.
What's your second step? Gotta take that second step and not wait another 2 years. Calling one those support groups? How about just calling a hotline and telling your whole store to a stranger over the phone that you don't have to look at eye-to-eye? There's gotta be a second step. What's it gonna be? There are steps to healing, my friend, don't quit climbing.
That's the anxiety you have i assure you. You are very detailed AND write beautifully. It was almost like I had been at that doctor's with you! Maybe you should reconsider your major!!
WAS it two years ago when you were raped? I'm new to this board, but I have a long post on here about my rape. I'm assuming because you are just now getting to an OB/GYN that you didn't report it, etc........ again, I'm having to guess because I don't know the specifics.
You made a comment about her that I have some concern about, but the other thing is............. if you felt the horror and the disgrace going after two years, I wish I had seen your original post. You could've sat in that office and imagined the fear and the horror of a violent rape victim who is taken immediately to the ER for an examination and a rape kit is done. I say that because sometimes when I have to do things that I want to climb out the bathroom window and escape, I try to think about "What if it were worse and I.....................". It works.
The part that concerns me is you said she is lesbian. Well, the fact that she is a lesbian doesn't concern me as I have many friends who have made that choice in life, it's the fact that she gave you numbers of LGBT groups just because you go to a anti-gay school? Why would she do that? It to me would've screamed, "OK......... I've been raped so I may never want another man to touch me so maybe I should become lesbian." Giving you that information, IMO, was not professional. She should not have blended her personal life and her professional life into your visit. You have enough problems right now trying to fight thru all this and find your identity again. That's kind of like going to a male doctor and him telling you he is gay and giving you literature on life of gays. But that's my initial thoughts on reading your post. I could be totally off base. It WAS good that she gave you numbers to rape support groups. You need to call those.
And as for your sorority sisters, friends, others just walking down the street, yes I know how you feel about how they are just going about their normal business and you're falling apart inside. What you have to accept is they don't see your pain. They didn't go thru what you did. Only those support groups and the ladies here and feel your pain and share in it.
It's like.......... have you ever caught a documentary or something on TV with a woman who is detailing her rape? Or a true lifestory movie? Are you drawn to it? I know that I am. It's been 23 years since I was violently raped by a stranger, but I am still to this day drawn to other rape victims. Why? Because they lived it.......... they know my pain and I can relate to them. Same with this board. We can all relate to one another no matter what kind of "rape" situation it was. Rape is rape........... it can take different colors, shapes and forms, but rape is rape.
You had a lot of strength that day and you should be proud of yourself. If it took you two years, I can't imagine what the last two years of your life has been like. You finally took that step and went for an exam. That was your first step toward healing.
What's your second step? Gotta take that second step and not wait another 2 years. Calling one those support groups? How about just calling a hotline and telling your whole store to a stranger over the phone that you don't have to look at eye-to-eye? There's gotta be a second step. What's it gonna be? There are steps to healing, my friend, don't quit climbing.
I certainly apologize! I guess I'm magical ;) Guess what ............ YOU are magical too!
Can someone work some magic and delete the repeated posts? LOL! Geez Louise.
I share the opinion of LinDuh, you write beautifully!!! It`s a true gift that will undoubtedly help you heal.