I was raped when I was 20 and I'm now 26. I thought I had resolved my issues until I found out I was a high risk for cervical cancer. Throughout the last six years my tests results every six months kept getting worse. This January, my abnormal cells went to level 4 pre-cancerous/cancerous cells and were removed. My cervix was ripped when I was raped and the cells were further up and not on the surface, therefore, not being watched as closely as they should of. I have control of every other situation and rather successful, but I felt for years I had no control of my health. I'd pray for a normal pap smear test and it didn't come my way until July of this year. While all of this was going on, I met the man of my dreams. Everything was so beautiful until we got engaged. I would ask him "Why do you love me?", "How much do you love me?", "What do you love about me?", and I would try to control our situation with, in my mind, crazy uneeded questions and actions. This made him think I doubt his love, but I don't at all. He has abandonment issues from both of his Parents dying young, so this had torn at his soul. How do I trust that that he has my best interest at heart? What do I need to do to trust relinquishing control in minor situations knowing I won't be hurt?
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