It's been ten months since I was raped by a stranger. Since then my life fell apart. My boyfriend and best friend for five years tried so hard to be with me, but the pressure of being with "a rape victim" ended up turning him into a self-hating pothead. We can barely even speak anymore. Two of my friends died, my pets died, my mother went into rehab for being an alocholic. Then I had to start school again. I went anorexic, lost fifteen pounds (I only weighed 105 to begin with) couldn't sleep, cried all the time. I felt like the only reason I was getting up in the morning was because I hadn't proven yet if there was no point to getting up, and until I could prove it I didn't want to lose that point too, if there was one. They put me on anti-depressants and I didn't get any better. Instead I started cutting and drinking. I finally took myself off them. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing better. I have a friend who tries his best to help. he and my now ex boyfriend keep begging me to be strong for them. They need me to help them, they're hurting. I've always been the strong one. I'm eating and sleeping and not cutting anymore, but that doesn't mean I can just take care of everyone else. I just want all this stuff to go away. Someone to be strong for me. I'm only nineteen, I don;t know how to handle all of this.
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