I hate this so much! All night long all I can think about is the stuff that has happend to me. My husband works from 5pm to 7am 7days a week and never has a day off! All night i lay in my bed and I have horrible thoughts about eveything that went on. I completely paranoid and look out the window thinking he is here. Any sound that i hear I hide under the covers. I have my bestfriend that i can talk to about this but I feel bad every time I do! He tells me he doesnt care and wants me to tell him, but I feel like its old news and that it doesnt need to be talked about. That I need to just not think about it. I feel so alone! I mean is it wrong to think about it??? Should i just move on and not worry?? I pushed every1 away when they found out I would not speak to anyone! But since i found this site its bringing back all the memorys and the pain of the years it went on. And now that i told my friend I do feel better and relived in a way but its scares the crap out of me. I shake and cry and just cant do anything. I feel like so many things went on and it happend so many times that ill never get over it. I kept quiet for the yrs it happend and since i finally opend up and told him I just want to say it all. but when i try the words dont want to come out!! This is so HARD and I HATE THEM so much for the pain they put me threw!!!! Now im stuggling with this all over again. I fell like untill i say everything that happend ill never be better. And even then Idonno if ill truly ever feel safe again and be happy! Im too scared to talk to a counseler and i dont want to talk to one! I have not gone to talk to the police bc i feel like they dont give a shit and its personal things that im not comfy with. I need help to over come this! i was doing so good not talking about it, I still had my breakdowns when i was alone..but now i cant seem to go back to acting like im fine. idono i wish i could forget and block my mind from it again! This is killing me and I dont want to live like this!!! Please help me! Please!
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