I hate this so much! All night long all I can think about is the stuff that has happend to me. My husband works from 5pm to 7am 7days a week and never has a day off! All night i lay in my bed and I have horrible thoughts about eveything that went on. I completely paranoid and look out the window thinking he is here. Any sound that i hear I hide under the covers. I have my bestfriend that i can talk to about this but I feel bad every time I do! He tells me he doesnt care and wants me to tell him, but I feel like its old news and that it doesnt need to be talked about. That I need to just not think about it. I feel so alone! I mean is it wrong to think about it??? Should i just move on and not worry?? I pushed every1 away when they found out I would not speak to anyone! But since i found this site its bringing back all the memorys and the pain of the years it went on. And now that i told my friend I do feel better and relived in a way but its scares the crap out of me. I shake and cry and just cant do anything. I feel like so many things went on and it happend so many times that ill never get over it. I kept quiet for the yrs it happend and since i finally opend up and told him I just want to say it all. but when i try the words dont want to come out!! This is so HARD and I HATE THEM so much for the pain they put me threw!!!! Now im stuggling with this all over again. I fell like untill i say everything that happend ill never be better. And even then Idonno if ill truly ever feel safe again and be happy! Im too scared to talk to a counseler and i dont want to talk to one! I have not gone to talk to the police bc i feel like they dont give a shit and its personal things that im not comfy with. I need help to over come this! i was doing so good not talking about it, I still had my breakdowns when i was alone..but now i cant seem to go back to acting like im fine. idono i wish i could forget and block my mind from it again! This is killing me and I dont want to live like this!!! Please help me! Please!
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...