People tend to be more sympathetic when the rape is brutal and injurous (what rape isn't, really?). It's like if he had given me a black eye instead of small bruises on my arms or broken a bone, maybe it would have been a bigger deal to people.

yes yes yes... i feel this way all the time. I think too. u read my mind

Yeah, i totally agree with you. When i kicked him i hurt my ankle, well the hospetial doctors said it was fine. ( I have already had 2 operations on my ankle and about 10 breaks) so i knew what was fine. So i went to my surgeon and of course i have to have an operation. But evryone thinks it wasnt from that night because the hospetial doctr said it was fine. If only he would have broke it then people would beleive me. It sounds so horrible to say but you know. Hopes this helps you feel not so alone with that feeling :)!!

yes, i think that too. its like, had it been more visibly brutal, more bruises or broken bones, you would feel more validated in your fears and all. I had a bruise on my arm and one on my hip, thats it. The real damage was being sore inside, and hurt pride, feeling dirty. The guy that abused me regularly, just hurt inside, and the shame of living with the dirty secret. i understand. its like not having physical proof of damage, somehow makes your experience easier to blame on yourself or supposedly easier to get over. glad to know i'm not alone!

The crime with no sign!!! It's almost perfect and I believe part of the act itself. I do know what you mean, there was no sign on the outside anything had happened - internal damage only! Although I don't fancy the external pain aswell as the emotional, but yes I may have had to speak sooner if there were visible injuries.

Take care Deb

My story is coming from the other end of the scale - I was beaten a lot but I still understand where you're coming from and it made me think hard. I guess it's just a different sort of pain, I struggle to come to terms with the beating as much as the rape in a completely different way. It made me frustrated and angry at my body for being so helpless and in the end giving up fighting because I couldn't find the way up. But I can also understand how frustrated and angry I would feel if I was so hurt inside and had nothing to show for it. I was so worried about the bruises I ran away from the hospital and hid from my family and friends for more than a week - if they had seen me they would have known and I wasn't ready to tell. Nobody ever found out.

I read others stories and think "What am I complaining about? I got off easy." Sometimes I do wonder if it would have been easier to deal with if the decision of speaking up was taken out of my hands.

yeah your not on your own, i sometimes wish id hit him or something so hed hit me back and i could have something for someone to notice, like a bruise or a strange cut.
but then i find that thinking about it is frustrating because i cant do anything about it now and i should have just said at the time.

Thank you so much for your honesty, you have voiced something that has been on mind since it happened. I feel bruised and battered in my heart and soul, but due to my drunken state and his size, he had no difficulty in overpowering me. Other than my visits to the hospital for vaccinations and countless blood tests, I have shut myself away at home.

I fear that people will not believe my story as I am not battered and bruised, and will wonder why I did not fight him all the way. It sounds awful but in the day after it happened, before I told anyone, I even considered roughing my face up to make sure I was believed. I'm ashamed the thought crossed my mind now but have realised that if those I love do not believe me, then they are not the people I thought they were.

Do not feel bad about this as you and I know that our injuries are more than skin deep and as such will take a lot longer to heal.

I'm sending you a hug! D x