I had a similar situation only i was younger when i was raped and younger when i went to the gyn. It was very stressfull and very weird. I would suggest that you see a female, i found it helpfull.

I also suggest a female...I will not personally ever see a man for those kind of appointments.
(and to ease your mind a little...it isnt painful, just uncomfortable because of the situation)
since your doctor is aware of what you have been thru you may be able to ask for something to calm your nerves while you are there (maybe they can prescribe you something)
I know when I go (except when I was pregnant) I have to take something...because it feels like my skin is crawling and I want to jump off the table and beat the sh%# out of them...and then run and hide....its not pretty!!!
it sucks knowing that they have the ability to affect our lives this way

If your dr knows of your trauma then they should understand your concerns. Request a sedative for the exam something that will calm the anxiety down. I had really terrible flashbacks during my post rape exam. She was almost unable to do the exam. But because she knew that I had just been raped a week before she talked to me through the whole thing. She explained everything she was going to do before she did it and she gave me a chance to breathe and rest between each part. When I did get emotional she gave me a minute to calm back down before she continued. So I guess what I'm telling you is that I wouldn't be surprised if you do get really upset but its ok. Just remind yourself that it needs to be done to protect you and that it will be over quickly. Its the only way the dr can make sure that everything is okay or treat what is wrong. You can get through it!

I fully understand where you are coming from. I had to have a pap done a few months ago. My dr was very understanding, he let me have someone I trust come in with me for support. He was quick, told me step by step what he was doing. My bp was 154/110, but we got through it without me blacking out and without too much of a panic attack. I would suggest you let your primary dr who you already have a good relationship with and she know what is going on. I would also suggest bringing a friend for your support.

I agree with everything posted already. Go to your regular doc and ask for a sedative. When you book the appointment make it for a double so the doctor wont be pressed for time with more patients waiting. I also agree that you should take someone you trust with you. The worry about what might be wrong is potentially more damaging that would could be wrong so please make the appointment for sonner rather than later. You can do this because you are a strong person and you love yourself enough to take care of yourself. You can do this, I have faith in you.

i had to go last week for my first gyn ever, and the first time anyone has touched me down their since the rape. I was very scared. i went by myself. The doctor was very nice though. I got kinda freaked out but it did help that it was a female doctor. Also, other than the rape, i'm a virgin, so i can definitely answer this for you. It doesn't hurt no matter how active you've been. THey'll probably just have to use the realy small thingies. but its seriously not as horrid as you expect! I would suggest bringing someone you trust with you though...i should have, would have been easier!

I agree w/ every1.
I just had my exam on Friday past and i'm 31 and was a virgin before my R--- almost 1 1/2yrs ago. It was stressful everyday leading up to it. It helped to have a woman DR.

Here's 3 things I definately suggest:

1. Treat yourself to a massage (preferably before the appointment even if it's a short one. Sooo relaxing...this well help to prepare you mentally for when you start to get tense)
2. Listen to soft classical music the whole night before and all the time while your waiting to be seen (a great CD: The Most Relaxing Classical Album In the World...Ever Vols.1 &2) ***Take a CD player, iPod, MP3 or whatever you have with you to the appointment and keep the music going..even after they call you in...and make sure the Dr. explains everything she's doing and to allow you a breather if you need it.
... and tell her to "Be Gentle"!

3. Take A Long Hot Bath --If you don't have time for a massage then do a bubble bath w/out the bubbles and perfumes (just use candles for the ambiance until after the exam) .....I took a long relaxing bath that morning before my appointment (it did help me to calm down a little and get mentally prepared to relax...when the exam was going on I just closed my eyes and pictured that relaxing bath I took and imagined taking another when I got home only this time I was pouring in the extra smell goods!)
4. Take a Mini Mental Vacation -- While the exam is going on...think of your favorite sight or view (like the Beach or Mountains) then Think of your favorite classical music piece. When you start to feel stressed close you eyes and imagine your watching your favorite view and listening to your favorite classical song and breathe in deep ...when you exhale pretend your blowing out the stress and tension.

this really works! At least it did for me...

I wish you the best!

I would go with your reg. doc as she knows the problems and the situation. Is there someone you trust that can/will go with you...I have found that when going into a situation that might trigger a flashback response or panic attack that it is alot easier to have someone that I trust with me. I would also ask your doc for something to calm you.