I saw my therapist tonight. I talked to her about the rape for the first time, answered all her questions for the first time. She's always known and tried to broach it, but has always been unsuccessful. I'm proud of myself for having done it... but I feel like I'm on the edge of falling apart. My skin is crawling and I'm torn between wanting someone to hug me and let me cry and tell me everything's going to be okay, and not wanting anyone anywhere near me. I'm back at my house, now, alone and feeling it very strongly. I didnt even want to leave her office tonight, I wanted to stay there with her, I wanted to stay safe. I don't ever cry... but I feel like I'm about to.
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