I couldn't go into my room. It sounds stupid, I know. I really couldn't make myself do it. I asked my little sister to get my keys and my clothes for work (it's amazing what younger siblings will do for a snickers). I haven't slept so I just laid awake in my sisters bed since she's been at her bf's house. I kept telling myself, Audrey this is stupid just go in there, but I couldn't. Today I did. I made myself walk in there, because I needed to get my work shoes and amber wasn't there to get them for me. I walked in, thinking I'm not going to let this control me, I'm not going to let what he did to me in here, stop me from going into my own room, then I freaked out. Because the floor creaked under me and I thought I heard him walking. My adrenaline dumped and I started shaking. I threw myself on my bed and cried. I hadn't since it happened six days ago. I couldn't help it, I felt so freaking disgusting and used and everything that was building up inside me was to much so I cried. I had left my blinds open and I looked outside and it was raining. Then everything replayed itself in my head, because it was raining then to. I wish my damn mind wouldn't remember everything like it does. When I was in school it was great, I got A's because everything stuck and I could regurgitate information to get good marks. It sucks to have a photographic memory right now. I'm trying to forget and I had to relive it all, every detail. I wish I had that internal coping mechanism people on here talk about where they forget parts of it or all of it. I don't know what to do.
Posts You May Be Interested In