my social support group sucks. If i confide in someone, they go "still?" I'm a month away from being at the 2 yr anniversary of it. I still can't talk about it much. I haven't told my parents. My sister knows but doesn't talk with me about it (she doesn't care). I have a relationship developing and the guy knows, but I don't feel like I'm worth it to him. Like, He deserves someone who isn't damaged or who he wont have to be patient with, I'm TIRED of crying. I've cried so much this past week/weekend. From stress in general. Feeling overwhelmed. I could write five books on how hectic my life has been in the past three months. I feel like if I just TELL my mom what happened, she'd be a bit more sympathetic and might get on my dad's case whenever he verbally vomits his crap at me. He get stressed and takes it out on everyone around him. Because I don't feel like I can tell 'friends' when I'm having a hard time, I lose trust in them and stop talking to them altogether. I'm tired of feeling a hurricane of emotions and not knowing how to express them or who to talk to about them, when the only people I want to talk to about them are people who would just sit with me and understand without bothering me to tell them everything. I can't even initiate a conversation about it. I need someone to ASK me stuff and I can open up that way, but how do you bring up this kind of subject with someone when you can't initiate it? "Hey I want to talk about something serious, but let's play 20 questions." doesn't quite work. :/ I wish the people who knew about this would ask me how I'm REALLY doing, assuming I'm having a hard day - because I'm usually dealing with the side effects on a daily basis anyway.
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