it makes perfect sense. I think it is one of the biggest reasons I am into BDSM. I am a sub by choice now and, that is my power. However, this is only a recent discovery of mine. I too was extreamly promiscuous for a lot of years and I put myself int a lot of very stupid situations that could have gotten me even more hurt or killed. I hate to tell you this but it really isnt a safe response and it may cause you a down ward spiral, it did me. I am lucky I didn't pick up anything worse than HPV and thats bad enough. You rape is your rape and sleeping around (sorry I am blunt) will not take away the hurt, the memory or the bit of you that was stolen. Sex can be and is a wonderful thing when it is safe and it does release those endorphines when it is goo but it really cant heal that hurt that is deep inside. Therapy, the type with all the clothes in place does a better job in the long run. I doubt you and I are alone in this though.

I thought that it was just my screwed up way of looking at it, and it makes me feel somewhat better about myself as a human being knowing that others reacted the same sort of way i did. for me it had alot to do with the fact that my virginity was taken from me, and now that I didn't have that anymore to save, why wait at all? why not try and reclaim sex, make it my choice. The other thing I did, which might sound really bad..and I've only ever admitted this once before because i was so ashamed I did this, but I acctually set out to have consentiual sex with my assalant afterwards, it had been about a year, and i was struggling with it so badly, and I thought that maybe if i do this by my choice it will cancel out the time it was not by choice, but unfortunatly this wasnt the case, this made it much worse, and I felt even more shame how could i even say he raped me now if i willingly had sex with him

I use to do that too but now I just cant stand to. but I know were your coming from.

I used to do that too. It was my way of regaining control over my sexuality and my choice. I actually got really bad and regret it now. Just be careful and use protection and try to talk to someone about it because while it may feel like it helps now, it'll catch up with you. Good luck!

It definitely makes sense. I wasn't promiscuous because something stopped me before actually sleeping with anyone else (it triggered me and made me feel angry) but I was definitely all over everyone, dressing really provocateively, not caring about myself. Looking back, I felt I couldn't tell anyone what happened to me, so instead I was almost acting it out what happened to me. But no one picked up on anything... they just thought I was partying harder than normal. I stopped being out of control and therapy is really helping me now. I understand it as a way to cope though temporarily.

You just put into words what I have been doing to myself for 9 years. I have never been able to really understand why I was the way I was when it came to sex. Yes, it makes perfect sense to me.

this post actually got me thinking and i was wondering if other people have felt this way too or have any thoughts...

i have the urge to apologize about being promiscuous as a way of coping with my rape. i think that a lot of people saw me as a slut because they didn't know the underlying reasons. it bothers me a lot that people think of me that way and some part of me just wants to say to them "i'm sorry for how i acted to you, i was going through something."

i feel like it's probably best to hold back on doing this, but i can't help but feel like i need to do it!

I can't even sleep with men I've been dating for awhile, yet I can have one night stands with men that won't be in my life. So I wonder what that means. But I totally understand though I only did that twice. I stopped because I'd hate myself if I got pregnant and the guy didn't want to be responsible.

I do the same thing. After having no control over what happened to me, I take full control now. I find that I use sex to get back at the man who raped me. (Make sense) I find a guy, seduce him, take him to bed, and then leave when its over. I rarely achieve climax, I just find I crave the control of the sex act and the fact that when it is done, I have the power to leave. Plus at the same time, if this makes sense, I enjoy feeling wanted and desired, even though it is a false desire in the form of a one-night-stand. I take sex very lightly. I find nothing special about it, which is pretty sad I guess.

Now, this only applies to men that I am really not interested in. Men that I can see no chance of a relationship with. If I meet a man that I am attracted to, I immediately shy away avoid him and move on. I have commitment issues. So... what do we do about it?

I did the same thing for a long time following child sexual abuse, however, after I was raped as an adult It is a trigger for me sometimes. It makes perfect sense though.

this is actually what i do too and i even tell my self that I Dont want to be like that but then ill meet someone and we have a one night stand its almost like they know that ill sleep with them it doesnt even effect me anymore i have not attachments to anyone and in a way that makes me feel safe but at the same time im so lonely.

yes--thank you...after 14 years of a great marriage my "event" still has won and I find myself doing the same thing--it makes sex non-important thereby taking away his power--this is the 16th year of living this way and by far my story does not compare to most but my suffering does--I know its a terrible way to cope but cant find any other

It's really good to know that I'm not alone. I know that my behavior may not be what society would deem as "healthy," but right now I'm not sure what else to do. Thanks everyone!!

definitely...I feel if you initiate the sex and be sexual then you have the power and they can't take it because you'll just give it before they can take it. Even if a guy gets a little forceful first, I have a hard time fighting it or acting like it bothers me, I just go with it and be as sexual as him because It sucks to feel overpowered against your will, makes you feel like a worthless piece of shit. But then having sex with people I don't really care nothing about makes me feel like crap too so I don't know.

When I was young sure sex was a tool.. absolutely steal the girl then move on to the next one -- like a serial killer targets a victim.. I did the same with sex... once you accomplish your goal kick them to the curb...... Well today for years... I realized I was only hurting myself.. My sexuality is a gift but since I have been sober I watched my sponser go thru one husband and the next and watch how she change for being her own woman to a puppet on a string.. Today it is about HONEst caring for another! I fell in love and I realized something my mother said to me when she was dying... (One of the only 100% honest things she said) The only thing that matters is kindness! And under no circumstance does using sex as a tool fall under that category.. I live by that rule.... Sure I am human and I think God it would be great to get laid.. but NO I want it all... the boyfriend the backrubs the commitment, the surprising him with a great dinner and hot oil rubs for hours on his back... I want it all.. and KINDNESS is all that Matters!