If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I'm reading a book some one suggested to me. "Voices of Courage" by Michael Domitrz. Here is one woman's view of self blame:
"Self-blame runs deep. I've learned through my own experience and from listening to other women that self-blame is usually the last thing we give up. While it may sound odd, I've come to realize that remorse is a coping mechanism. As long as I felt I was to blame for being raped, I felt I had control over what had happened to me. Believing that I may have had some role in the assault gave me an illusion of power at a time when I felt I had none. The hardest thing for me to do was admit, "No matter what I did, no matter what I said, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop him from doing what he did to me. I couldn't stop him from saying what he said to me. I couldn't stop him. I was powerless." That was humiliating for me."
"But more difficult was the point in the healing process when I was ready to admit that I was not to blame. That was very frightening. At that moment, i was truly stripped of my sense of power, even though that sense had been only an illusion all along. Suddenly, I was faced with my own vulnerability; there was no way to deny that the same man or some other man could do this to me again."