Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
When I was 12 years old I was raped by my mother one night when she had come home drunk, this was the first of several incidents that occoured until I finally told a cousin of mine who was living in Ireland when I was 14 years old, I was scared and confused I still felt love for my mother but I also feared her and I was sickened by the thought of her touching me of course in a sexual way but also in any non sexual way to.
When I was about 14 and a half my mother fell pregnant however she had a miscarriage, I was digusted with myself to be glad about this after all it was not the babys fault that it was concieved in such a sickening manor, I often thought about this and felt guilty for being relieved at the death of the child.
When I was 15 years old I finally reported what my mother did to me and she was arrested and I was taken into care, I however was having violent dreams and am ashamed to say wet the bed until I was 17. I was very nervous when I met my first foster carers and didn`t trust any of them, sadly I couldn`t adjust and became ill due to the stress of being constantly afriad I suffered from panic attacks and couldn`t leave the house very often and had to sleep with the light on at all times.
After a lot of discussion and thanks to the efforts of my cousin a family was found for me in Ireland that would adopt me. It took me a long time to adjust but my cousin supported me, I recieved a lot of councelling and treatments to help me with trust issues and my nightmares and I slowley began to settle in, however even after all the treatment I had recieved I couldn`t and still can`t bare the thought of another women touching me and have only had realtionships with other men since the incident. I haven`t told many people I am gay because i`m not certain about this maybe I will trust women again in time.
Also most people I have told don`t know about the rape only my cousin and one very close female friend know about this and they often ask how I knew I was gay and how long I was out of the closet and all that :\ I have been finding it hard to speak about because I don`t want to mention the rape and recently its been getting me down.
My mother is also very ill I flew back to America during thanksiving and I was there for 2 weeks but I never visited her I was to scared and now I feel guilty about this and I don`t know how I`m supposed to feel if she dies.
When I was about 14 and a half my mother fell pregnant however she had a miscarriage, I was digusted with myself to be glad about this after all it was not the babys fault that it was concieved in such a sickening manor, I often thought about this and felt guilty for being relieved at the death of the child.
When I was 15 years old I finally reported what my mother did to me and she was arrested and I was taken into care, I however was having violent dreams and am ashamed to say wet the bed until I was 17. I was very nervous when I met my first foster carers and didn`t trust any of them, sadly I couldn`t adjust and became ill due to the stress of being constantly afriad I suffered from panic attacks and couldn`t leave the house very often and had to sleep with the light on at all times.
After a lot of discussion and thanks to the efforts of my cousin a family was found for me in Ireland that would adopt me. It took me a long time to adjust but my cousin supported me, I recieved a lot of councelling and treatments to help me with trust issues and my nightmares and I slowley began to settle in, however even after all the treatment I had recieved I couldn`t and still can`t bare the thought of another women touching me and have only had realtionships with other men since the incident. I haven`t told many people I am gay because i`m not certain about this maybe I will trust women again in time.
Also most people I have told don`t know about the rape only my cousin and one very close female friend know about this and they often ask how I knew I was gay and how long I was out of the closet and all that :\ I have been finding it hard to speak about because I don`t want to mention the rape and recently its been getting me down.
My mother is also very ill I flew back to America during thanksiving and I was there for 2 weeks but I never visited her I was to scared and now I feel guilty about this and I don`t know how I`m supposed to feel if she dies.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Remember you don't owe her anything. You do not owe her forgiveness, any family duty, goodbye, nothing. You don't have to have it out with her unless you want to.
If you have to talk about it to other people, you don't have to give details. You can say that there were issues with your mom and that may have led to your being gay, if you feel that is true.
Good luck and up here on DS is a good place to tell your story. There is always someone who understands.
I think the shame and the guilt that we feel is the worse to live with.
A 100 people can say it wasn't our fault but that doesn't change how we feel.
As far as your being gay, well I think people who ar gay are born that way,just like people who aren't gay.
I look forward to the day when someone being gay is considered normal as it should be.
It's not an easy life being raped by your mom who you loved and trusted, and being gay as well.
I hope you can come to terms with both issues in your life and find peace.