No one understands how it feels to have someone take over you body and force themselves on you. My parents tellme i need to stop letting him control my life, hell it only happend two mons ago, i cant help the way i feel, being afraid and being angry, I am angry at everyone, the one person who has done something to me isnt onfront of me, why am i so angry at the ppl who havent done anything to me, I cant stand going out in public by myself, before sometimes i could go out in public at times i didnt want to go byself, now its even worse, my mom and i go shopping together, she leaves my sight for a moment or if i run down an isle to go grab soemthing real fast and when i turn around if she is gone, i panic. Its almost like i am afraid hes gonna be there when i turn around or sitting in my house when i wake up in the middle of the night. Not to mention I still havent cried over what he did to me, It like i keep it held down deep inside, i am afraid to let it out and let it go. I blow up on my bestfriend for no reason and i used to never do that, i feel like what he has done has changed me and has consumed my entire mind and body. I dont like being in room or near a man with out someone there that i know, someone who will keep me safe, i feel like someone is out there to harm me again, when deep down inside i know theres not. I cant stand feeling this way, i hate it, i want to get close to another guy, but i cant do that either. I feel kinda inside out and lost. This person i have become isnt who i once was, it cant sit there and tell ppl how i feel, the words dont come out right. I feel like i am loosing control of my life more and more everyday, because of one person or man, decided to rape me bacause he was pissed off at me. Someday i am fine, other day i walk around and talk to anyone, i am like a zombie, i cant get out of the rut and i want to feel normal again.
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