this is something i struggle with as well. i gained a lot of weight after my rape and battle weight loss constantly.

through therapy, i learned that being over-weight helps me feel invisible and avoid any social contact with men. i fear that losing weight will make me visible again.

i still have not conquered this. but it feels like a social confidence thing.

if anyone has suggestions/advice for WhitW, i am all ears as well...

well it's comforting to know that I'm not alone - so thank you raspjam - and if there's any advice out there - it would be much appreciated!

I find that after being raped, my body language and the way I carried myself seemed to invite more attacks.
It took a long time, but I was able to change the way I seem to others. I just did it the hard way, by trial and error and using my pent up anger.
If I were to do it today, I would back it up with some self-defense training and maybe even an acting class! Basically I had to believe deep down, I had to KNOW that I am NOT a victim, and I am STRONG, and I am NOT going to help or allow anyone to attack me. I am going to resist to the point of death. I also am not wondering if anyone can SAVE me. I don't need your help. I don't believe what you say if my gut says you're not a safe person. I can disagree. I don't have to be nice. I don't owe you any response. If I have to kill you to save myself, I will.
I think that message can be seen in my eyes. I don't get hit on anymore. Which is great!

i sometimes wonder if my desire to be feminine started with a desire to be less attractive to my rapist- since he only attacked boys, if i wasnt one, he wouldnt want me and I would be safe.

i still try to hide myself in mens bagy jeans i have a boys cu short hair bagy shirts no makeup so i try to make myself look like a guy.

After my third rape, I stopped shaving my legs... for months. My hope/reasoning was that if a guy pulled down my pants to rape me, he would be grossed out or turned off and not want to if I had gross hairy legs. I don't know if that was completely rational thinking, but it comforted me. The first day I shaved my legs after that rape, was the day I realized that by not shaving, I was still letting him control me. He... they... still controlled me and my actions. Where i went, how I acted, what I wore, and so on. I didnt want to let them control me anymore. I took a part of me back. Hopefully there is some advice in that.

Remember that rape is not about attractiveness. It is about control, power, and violence. The antidote is not be unattractive. It is to be powerful.
I am not saying that you can control everything and have 100% control over whether you are attacked. I am saying that by presenting a strong image, you can seem less of a ready victim to some victimizers.

WhitW you are really not alone in this, it is a form of protection in our own heads. I agree with Thriver. If you are wanted to lose weight just for you because you want to feel healthier I would go with the self defense kick boxing type of route.