I was raped by a boyfriend about 16 years ago. I had been sexually involved with him for almost a year, before he raped. For this reason and because he just didn't seem like the type, I doubted for some time that I was really raped; although I clearly said no and was crying while he forced me to submit. However, I lay there like a zombie and cried and he didn't care. After it was over (it was at his own house) it was too late and far to get home. The last bus had already left. He lived in the suburbs and I lived in the city. I was forced to remain at his house to morning. I should have called my mom. If I had told her she might have come and got me. However, I thought it was my fault for being with him in the first place and that she might blame me. Anyway, I did not report him to the police, I didn't expect that they'd believe me. Now 16 years later when I hear someone even mention that they were raped by a husband or boyfriend or anyone I feel uncomfortable and that I have to get away. I wish that I had taken the chance and risked not being believed and reported it. That way, maybe just maybe he would have been forced to look at his behavior; although that is no guarantee either. I feel like if anyone else had gotten hurt after me, that it is my fault since I was a coward and was afraid to come forward about it at the time. The only good thing is that recently I contacted Woman Organized Against Rape in my city and when asked who it was I gave his name. This made me feel better. Like I'd finally done what I should have done years ago.
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