this is my first day of being on here, so i figured i would go ahead and get the hardest part over with. there are only 2 people i have told about me being raped, and even though they try, they cant seem to help any. ok heres my story... i am 16 now but i was 14 when it happened, my ex and i had dated for about 3 years, and already decided that we werent going to have sex until i was ready. well one day when we went swimming, he said he was going to run to his house real quick to get some dry clothes, so i didnt think nothing about it. he started onto a road that i had never seen before, i got a lil nervous but didnt let it bother me. well he pulled into this wierd place and im not sure how to describe it, and he told me to get out of the truck and close my eyes, so i did. i trusted him so i didnt think nothing of it, when he told me to lay down in the back of the truck. when i did he put my hands around his bike and handcuff me too it. i asked him what was going on and he said i would find out in a min. then he took off my bathing suit bottoms and started to rape me. i started to scream and cry and tried kicking him off of me. but no one was even close enough to barely hear me. after he was done he told me to get into the truck and then he took me home. i stayed with him for a while putting it in the back of my mind until it happened 2 more times. and then after getting into a big arguement i decided to never talk to him agian. i thought that i would be able to get over by dating other guys, but it always ended in a week or so. then one night me and my mom (grandmother)got into and she told me that when i was a baby i was raped repeadly by the man my real mom had married, and that that was the reason i was adopted. i just cant seem to get close to my fiance because of all of this. i want to be with him sexually but everytime we start to have sex my ex's face pops into my head and we have to quit. i hate not being able to get close to him and making him deal with this too. and im always getting depressed and just feeling like ending my life, and im getting to the point were all of this is driving me insane and im not sure how to deal with it anymore. so if you have any advice, please message me.
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