If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
the last few days i've done a lot of writing and allow myself to feel the emotions and think the thoughts I try to keep locked up and here is part of it and what i've come to realize about the day it all happened.
I miss judged. I didn't trust my instincts. I made a mistake and I got hurt and i've let it define me in a way. I've let it be a wall between myself and people. A wall between my fiance and I. I need to accept that it happened I can't change the events that led up to it. I can't change how I reacted. I can't change that day. I need to accept that its okay if I get scared by the little black car following for to long behind me while driving. Its okay that it scares me just thinking about going into a music store. I need to figure out how to regain control over my mind and body that the one act on that one day of ugliness doesn't compare to the beauty and specialness (don't know if a word) thats suppose to be shared between my fiance and I. the reason I let it be similar is because on that day I lost the trust I had in myself the trust I had in my instincts if I am going to trust my fiance and let what we have be special I need to trust me again. trust that I am with the right person trust my instincts that tell me this person would never hurt me. I made a mistake. I miss judged. but that day will not define the rest of my days if I just let myself learn to trust my judgement again I can open up and let more people in, instead of them being on the other side of the wall. Its okay to trust me.
I don't know if this will help anyone but I thought I would share in just in case it does.