I was raped on April 1, 2007. I made a decision that morning that I would never tell another person. I had been out celebrating a birthday, and had plans to meet up with friends after giving him a ride home. I did not know him, but he was stranded, and I felt bad for him. Long and short of it, was I was way late meeting my friends and they were worried. The entire time he was holding me down my phone was going off with calls and text messages. I remember just trying to shut down, and to keep my mind closed so it would be over. When I got away, I met back up with everyone, because it was weird enough that I was running so late. When I got to the restaurant where they were, they noticed that I had hickies all over my neck and upper chest. I was so ashamed, but played it off as a hook up. They all just teased me, and we went dancing. I could not stay much later, I just wanted to disappear into the walls. I managed to keep it all together until recently. I finally told my best friend two weeks ago. He had been there that night, and has noticed that I have changed. I just broke down, and God how I wish I could take it back now. Everything is just getting worse. I haven't slept more than 2 or 3 hours since I started talking about it. When I do sleep, I keep reliving the experience and wake up in a panic. I just got some test results today and was told that I have an STD. I know it was from that night, as I had been a virgin up until then. Now I am not sure what is up and what is down. Counselling is sort of helping, I just can't seem to get a handle on anything any more. I am tired, and angry, and afraid. This is not who I was, but is becoming who I am. I can't even go out any more, I get afraid of what might happen. I don't want to be afraid......but there doesn't seem to be another way. I know that I am not in a good space, and I try to isolate myself so that I don't infect anyone else. God, I really wish I could just disappear into the walls or become invisible.
Posts You May Be Interested In
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...