Hi all, haven't been on much here lately. Have had so much going on. I've been dealing with everything very well until I saw an episode of Oprah the other day. She had 2 women on there who had been raped by their husbands. Listening to the women talk, to things that happened prior to the rapes. Things the men said to them...it all hit so close to home. It was like I was sitting on that stage talking about my rapes, my marriage. I still just can't wrap my mind around the idea that a husband can rape their wife. How could someone who stood before God and family perform such a violating and horrible act to the person they promised to love and cherish. Working on the divorce (sorta), but I feel trapped in this horrible cycle. Since the separation he has not done anything, but at the same time he has done some things that are reminencest of the past. I still relive those rapes, still hear him appoligizing, every single lie he ever told me! I still struggle with the whys of it all. Why couldn't a stranger have done this to me!?! Why did it have to be him, why my husband? That to me is the worse. Someone I trusted whole heartedly, violated me and still to this day, it hurts and it still affects my life, don't know if I'll ever be the same again.