My life has been so hurtful and lost since I was born and it seems that is all I am destined for. I started out being sent to a foster home when I was to young to remember I can't remember most of my youth come to think about it. All I remember is the beatings and the put downs. The sexual assaults mentally and I can't remember but physically too I think. I haven't been able to feel a happy life for to long before its ripped from my soul. I was finally able to leave my childhood horror when I was about 16. It was only a taste of sweet life when it was taken from me again. I finally married my high school sweet heart a woman I was best friends with for about 10 years before we got married. We where poor but happy and I started college which I had to quit because we had our first child, it was hard for awhile and then my wife's ex boyfriend started coming into the pic when i was at work, so i started staying home from work to make sure nothing was happening. Of course i was fired, and my wife threatened to divorce me because I was to sexually active thanks to my past sex was the only way I knew how to show love and I would guilt my wife into it. I changed for her and she was happy. I then went to work in Denver for three months putting in fiber optics where come to find out my wife claims to have been raped by her ex. I fill sympathy for her because she too was rapped when she was a little girl. But further on in our marriage after another child she claims she stills loves him and she actually enjoyed the exploitation. I was confused. I was in depression and was getting and losing jobs like crazy. We then had our finally child three boys in all, the happiest parts of my life. Then I got a really good job with a trucking company, I had to spend six weeks training with another trucker on the job. I wanted my life to end, I was rapped and he got away for it because im a male and it was a he said he said ordeal. Depressions hits suicidal levels. I then am so depressed I don't know what to do so I do what I have done since I was a child shove it way down and deal with it. I was wrong to do that and my family was suffering from me not being able to hold a job. Just lately it has turned towards to worst, my wife wants a separation until we can fix our marriage. I love so much all I can do is cry myself to sleep every night. I can't tell my boys goodnight know our say the nighttime prayer or even sing my baby to sleep. It hurts so much I just want relief. I want my wife my happy marriage my kids and the love back can anyone god or anyone please help this seemingly forever tortured soul before its to late. I hurt so much and can't stop crying is it really worth it?
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