i am 19 years old and have planned my entire life to wait until marriage to have sex. i've only kissed 2 boys my entire life, and the second one is my current boyfriend who i have told on several occassions that i am waiting for marriage and will not have sex with him. i did however let him finger me for the first time ever 2 days ago and said, again, that i won't go any further. i would not even take off my shirt for him. then, yesterday, we started making out again and i once again, let his hand up my shorts. he did it off and on. it hurt because i don't even use tampons, so i'm not use to anything in that area. the third time he touched me there though, i noticed it hurt more, but i thought he was just pushing his fingers further up. then i though i felt both his hands beside me, and i realized i thought it was his penis inside me. i was so shocked i didn't say anything. i wasn't even sure i was right. neither of our pants were even off, he had suddenly just switched from his fingers to his thing without even saying anything to me, KNOWING i am waiting until marriage. i still wasnt sure that's even what had happened until he started apologizing profusely afterwards. i couldn't do anything but lay there. i feel so hurt and confused and shocked. i feel like it's my fault for letting him do anything past kissing. did he just get caught up in the moment and make a mistake that i should forgive him for? or did he really rape me? i didn't know what he was going to do. i didn't say no because i really didn't know. i would have said absolutely not had he said something about going all the way. please help me. i'm so hurt right now. but i don't want to break up with him if it's my own fault and there's nothing to blame him for.
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