If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
Ok, here it goes...sorry it's so long but there's a point to my story..
I was r***d on June 21 2006, by my supervisor at my job of the last 9yrs that I absolutely loved. I didn't say anything to anyone about what happened for a month or so after. My job has and continues to treat Me like the criminal in this whole thing and I'm now in a legal battle with them. The bad thing is all the restrictions there are on me since this happened like.... I can't quit and I can't work anywhere else in the country at least for another yr. & 3mos & they haven't & won't pay me until I go back to doing what I was doing when this happened ...but I'm Terrified...nothing has changed there safety wise and I completely freak out just going anywhere near there cause that's where it happened. They won't even help me like they said they would if I just kept it quiet and outta the Media, and they've canceled all of my benefits including my expensive medical insurance which along with it went the ability to see a good therapist.
So here's where the second problem comes in.....I got a therapists 2mos after it happened but I didn't find out until this past January that the therapist fell asleep during my 1st session and never heard me tell her about the r**e so she diagonosed me w/ PTSD but never addressed anything about the r**e.
I feel like such a idiot cause I've been seeing a therapists for over a yr and I'm not much better that when I started...The other thing is I live in a big city and was on the waiting lists for the R**E Crisis Center for a yr. & 4mos I just finished group therapy in March.
The RCC people felt bad for me so they asked me to keep coming in for private counseling so I've been going for the last 3 weeks. This is sooo hard though because it's like I'm just starting to deal with all of pent up frustration and anger and emotion from all of this and I feel so on edge all the time ..everything gets on the 1 nerve I have left. I've become soo moody and everything makes me cry or feel overwhelmed...I hate this cause I was never this kind of person before. I was strong and independent and I could multi-task like crazy. Now I have fear of crowds and I can't be around more than a few people at once, I'm so jumpy all the time and I don't sleep, none of my hobbies hold my attention for more than a 1/2 hour or so and I can't take loud or lots of noise before I feel like running away.
I never knew just how many bad affects this had and continues to have on me but I feel like I'm taking Gigantic steps backwards instead of getting better. Is there any1 out there on DS that feel the same way or has in the past and can offer some pointers ....cause I feel like I'm going crazy but I never had a problem managing stress b4...this is just above and beyond.