i wrote on your journal hun i hope it helps some i to struggle with the same things

Just keep reminding yourself that it's not your fault at all. Don't let this person take your life away as well. They may have hurt your body but they can't touch your sould if you don't let them. It takes time I know, hang in there..best wishes, Benny

I have been really struggling with this. I hate feeling like I've lost myself. I feel like I don't know who I am. I just want to get back to who I was...I was at church this weekend and we sang this song and in the refrain it said "I will never be the same, I will never be the same." I broke down into tears. Not because God had come into my life and the change was so incredible that I knew my life would never be the same but because I realized that I won't ever be the same. But then I realized that maybe I'm not supposed to be. I mean this has changed me. But it isn't all completely bad (the change in me I mean) And perhaps I just need to rediscover who I am in the aftermath, just like the survivors of a major natural phenomenon like Katrina or the Tsunami...those people will never be the same person they were before the terrible disaster but that doesn't mean the person they are now is less than the person they were then they've just changed....anyway thats just kind of where I am right now...

I really wish I had an answer or an explanation for you because then I would have one for us both......my sexual assault counsellor says that you come to a point where you co-exist with it and you begin to live your life......I just don't know how we get there, but remember you aren't alone......

I know some of the feelings you are referring to. For me, it is disgusting that I have been assualted. It took me a long time to realize it. Now my rapist (#1) is out in the world working as a high school teacher in a local city. That is disgusting and wrong. I'm glad I don't have to see him, but to think he is teaching is really gross.