Two days before my 17 birthday, I was raped. I don't want my mom or anyone to know, I feel as if I don't mention it, it didn't happen. Not only that, but I have conflicting reasons as well... It was a Monday and it was a no-school day, so I was going to visit my best friend, but she canceled plans last minute. Not a problem because my ex-boy friend, now one of my really good friends, asked if I wanted to come to his house and hang out. So we did, watched March of the Penguins, and just talked. I told my mom however I was out volunteering because my mom would flip if I even hung out with a boy, and would kill me if I ever even dated or kiss or something. As I was waiting for a bus after I left my ex's house, I decided to walk because I wasnt seeing a bus. It about a 20-30 minute walk to my house, and I've done it tons of times. But as I was walking home, right near my ex's house a man grabbed me into an alley and raped me. He literally held me in place against a building wall with his hand over my mouth so I couldn't move. His other hand was holding my two hands for the exception of when he put on a condom. I couldn't say anything or do anything. Anyway, he stopped long before he reached orgasm. I don't know how long it lasted, but it felt at least 7-8 minutes. Maybe more or less I don't know. Anyway, he pushed me and I slipped in the snow and he ran. I got up and just called my ex to tell him what happened- but he didnt pick up his phone, so I just hung up and decided not to tell anyone. The alley was near a bus stop, so I just walked over and a bus came quickly and I boarded. I called my mom, told her I'm on a bus home, and that's it. Later she asked what did I do all day, I told her my best friend canceled plans and instead I went volunteering. It's been 2 weeks since this incident, and I'm afraid I'm pregnant. He used a condom, and he didnt even ejaculate. But I am afraid I am pregnant because I don't think I've had my period since last month. I dont even know what day I have my periods, I'm always irregular anyways, but I do usually get it once a month. This month, I have not gotton it. I don't remember what days my last period were on, all I know is that I did in fact have one because the pads I keep in my locker at school are gone because I used them. But I am really worried I am pregnant... what if he was giving me false hope by putting on a broken condom? I know it is possible to get pregnant by pre-ejaculate.. I don't want a baby or can handle a baby now, especially in these circumstances. I'm a good honors high school student that has planned my own successful future for years; I want to go to MIT or another prestigious university and become a Dr. or MD. I live with my mom and sister, me and my sister are high school students, she's younger, and my mom is a full time nanny that works at least 14 hours a day. We have no other family, except two aunts that I hardly talk to. My mother is against sex before marriage - which I have already done. I had sex with one of my former boyfriends a handful of times, and we were so protected with foam spermicide and condoms and pulling out before my boyfriend ejaculated... almost no chance of getting pregnant. And after we broke up, I chose to be celibate till marriage. We broke up more than a year ago and I havnt had sex in a year until I was raped. So this baby, if there is a baby, can only be the rapist's. If I find out if I am pregnant, I want an abortion. My mom is not religious, but she won't support abortion even though there is no way to take care of this baby, if there is a baby. I cannot ask her to give legal permission for me to get an abortion... it hurts me too much for her to be a part of something that she knows will disgrace her in front of God. My mom doesnt know it, but I am not as religious as her, and I don't care either way, I just want to live my life and get an abortion if I need to. I've been doing research on abortion for the past two weeks, and I think I need parental permission for an abortion in Chicago, but I want to do it so my mom or anyone will not know. As far as everyone is concerned, no one knows I have been sexually active before except me, my ex, and best friend, and now you guys... I dont want my mom to know I have been sexually active or have been raped. I dont even want her to know I've had a boyfriend. I don't know what to do.. all the sites I've been reading on abortion laws are so confusing to me.. and I dont know when I should take a pregnance test to get an accurate reading.. I just dont know what to do. I just dont want to talk about what happened, I just want to continue life. I'm not depressed or anything.. I just want to forget this horrible incident. Please help me, I'm scared.
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