The first i was raped i was fourteen. i was sick so my mom had her boyfriend pick me up from school. I remember every detail. when we got to my house he came inside with me, which was normal since he practically lived there. I thought he was going back to work. i decided to take a warm bath thinking it might make me feel a little better. That was when he came in the bathroom with me. i was naked and tried to cover myself. he kept staring at me in a way he never looked at me before. then he took off his close. i keptasking him what he was doing. he told me to get on my knees and began to push me down to the floor. he pushed my face against him. after i threw up he made me lay on the floor and got on top of me and raped me. sometimes i can still feel the pain like it was yesterday. when he finished he left and i never saw him again. i never told anyone. after i turned eighteen i decided to date for the first time. the guy seemed nice. he lived a few blocks away from me. he picked me up. we were suposed to go see a movie but instead he drove to the lake. i told him that i was not going to do anything with him and if that was what he thought he could take me home. he leaned over and tried to kiss me. i tried to get out of the car but the door would not open like it had a child lock on it or something. he climbed on top of me and lifted my skirt and raped me. then he said he was going to take me home but he pulled the car in a garage somewhere. he called someone and told them to come outside then told me to get in the back seat. he got out of the car and opened the door for me and i tried to run but he forced me into the back seat. this door would not open either. he got back in the car and another guy got in the back seat with me. he hit me really hard in my face and raped me too. he hurt me more then the first guy. i dont know where to go from here. i am now 19 and in a committed relationship with a man that i really love. i tried to have sex with him and all i did was cry. he is very understanding and does not press the issue. i feet stupid. i let it happen more then once. i feel like it was all my fault. i cant tell anyone i know they wont understand. i am afraid to tell my boyfriend. i dont want him to think i am a slut. he says that we can wait until i am ready to have sex again but i dont think i am being fair to him. i wake up everynight crying from the nightmares. i just dont know what to do
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