One new years eve my friend david* came over, and he and I were the only ones home, and we were both really drunk and he was really high. I was iming people I knew someone in peticular and I wanted to get david* out. I just didn't want him around at all. david* and I have a past, I mean we have made out, I have gone down on him and we have made out, but never sex. I will admit I was not wearing a whole lot of clothes so maybe I was sending him the wrong signels or something. Well he moved from the couch and came over to the loveseat, which is where I was sitting, and fooling around on my laaptop. I smiled of course, I had a small crush on him. And I was kinda happy that we were not fighting for once. Well all of a sudden he started to touch me, touch my leg, everything. I was scared and told him, that we can't do this. I was kinda with chuck at the time, and he is with beca, and I didn't want to do anythin that would mess up my friendship with beca. Well he would just not let up, at that point the guy who I was iming had to get off the computer and go to his party. That is when I got scared, so I told him by, and we started texting but than david* made me lie to him and tell him that I had to tell him I was in the shower. So I did. only because I was scared that if I didn't he would do something really bad. So I told josh* that I had to take a shower and I would call him later. He said OK, so I put my cell phone down, and kinda started panicking out really bad. SO I told him I left something in my room, he said whatever, and I walked that way, hoping that he was just fucking with my head and all, whatever he was doing he was scaring the living shit out of me. I thought that everything was going to be ok, and he would go back to play video games. Well I was sitting on my bed texting a friend seeing if she could please ditch the party that they decided to uninvite me to, she told me to get over it, that christian was harmless, and to get a life. I was like fuck you too bitch, I got pissed and scred "well your a fucking bitch" and david* came in my room, and was like "what the fuck is your problem you fucking whore" that really hurt, at that time I was crying and wanted him out of my room. But he came over and sat down on my bed, He started touching up my leg, and my breast, than he layed me down on my bed. I was so scared about what was going to happen. I was really drunk and he had been making my drinks that night, but I know he didn't slip me anything because I remember everything, I don't remember asking him to go away, but I do remember tell him No that I didn't want this. Next thing I know he was on top of me, and he kissed me and slapped me in my face when I told him to get the hell off of me, and out of my house. He would not get off, at this point I was fighting with him, and wanted him off of me so bad that I would do anyhing, he lifted his hand up my skirt. He slid his fingers in me, at that point I was crying so he took off my skirt and cover my face, it was hard for me to brethe. I was thinking that I wanted to just die, and than at that time the house phone rang. I was so relived, it was his mom so he took it, and he said that he had to go. He told me not to breathe a word this to anyone. And I haven't. I basically forgot that it even happened. I got into the shower, cut, made a drink and than I started texting josh* back and he helped me forget that it had even happen. I have not thought about it since it happened but I have nightmares about it. I don't know if it is rape or not.
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