I still to this day cannot face the fact that I've been sexually abused. That I'd been rapped. I can't stand to think about it. How much it changed who I was. I never let myself greive about it. I'm still confused about half of it. I don't know why I still love him. But I do. But yet it scares me so much to even think about him being around me. To sit and remember all the things he did and how he made me feel like it was my fault and I was being a bad girlfriend because I didn't want to have sex. Or is it my fault for letting it happen? Why did he change so much when we were together. Why? I don't understand anymore. I like to think I have everything all worked out and I'm on my way to recovery from it. But really, I haven't even touched the surface. I'm scared to even think that I have to. I don't want to relive the hurt. How will it make me better by reliving all that pain once again?
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