I just learned that my daughter was raped at ages 6 and 14 by a member of our extended family that we spend xmas with every year. She is now 17 and I only found out because she told a friend at school who was so upset, he ended up telling an adult and the school psych called me in. She DOESN'T want to talk to me about it - didn't want me to know. She says I should forget I ever found out and I'll get past it. She wants to still gather with the family at xmas and pretend nothing happened. She has been handling this alone for years, and facing this attacker at all family functions and I never knew it. I feel so incredible guilty; why didn't I know it? esp when she was six? And at 14, she suffered with serious depression and headaches and uncontrollable crying; I asked why why why and she always said she didn't know, and she so wanted me to accept that answer, which I eventually did, but the depression continued. She's on meds for that still and they have helped. She is so strong; I can't even believe what she's gone through. Maybe she's talked to other friends before, I don't know, but it seems that she's just buried this assault. I am struggling with so many aspects of this. I want to support her, and she says to go on with family life unchanged. But now I know that there is a monster in the group of people that I love(d) and I don't see how I can pretend I don't know what someone did to my oldest daughter. And I don't know who to protect my younger daughter from; I trusted all these people. I want her to tell me who did this so I can confront him, and then cut him out of my life. But because she won't tell me who it is, I feel like I must cut everyone to be safe. Only my husband (her dad) and I know what happened and she will not share any details. She is asking me to do something I can't do - I can't pretend it didn't happen and continue to embrace the person who violated her. How do I help her and not go crazy?
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