
Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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I used to see horror stories on the news and I'd think things that horrible would never happen to me. I would also catch myself daydreaming in class, how I would handle an ugly situation. I'd imagine dodging bullets, grabbing a gun out of someones hands' and then becoming the offense. Recently, I found out how exactly I would handle a sticky situation. I was walking from my car back to my apartment; I remember feeling a hand on my face and a mans voice telling me to "Shut the fuck up." My immediate reaction was to laugh, I had convinced myself that it was a joke, that it was one of my friends from school trying to be funny. I spun around quickly and was staring at a strange mans face and a gun. I had bought one of those pepperspray keychains and I quickly grabbed it. I remember weighing my options and figured pepperspraying a man with a gun to my face wouldn't end well. He then walked me to his car and threw me in the passengers seat, then jumped into the drivers seat and told me to "Start sucking." When he decided oral sex wasn't going to be enough for him, he drove me to a vacant field and knocked his rocks off. As he was driving me to that field, I remember wondering how my obituary was going to sound and who was going to tell my family. He then drove me back to my apartment and made me give him all the money I had on me. ($40) Before he left he said if I went to the cops he knew where I lived and he'd take care of me. Immediately, I called my mom and told my roommate, my roommate took me to the ER and I filed a police report. Now, I am completely terrified, my roommate has no where to go and I'm afraid to let her stay at the apartment alone and I'm afraid to be alone, as well. I haven't been sleeping well if at all for the last month. I keep replaying everything in my head and what I should have or could have done, the "what if's" are ruining me. How do I get them out of my head?
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It does get easier, and i know reading this is easier than doing it but you must get those what if's out of your head because they never happened and they can destroy you. And the way you reacted would have been the right way. You can't change that and you need to accept you did your best. I wouldn't have done anything different to what you did if i was in that situation. You need to tell yourself that you can't change what happened and forget the what if's (it's not easy i know and it will take time) THEY DO GET EASIER! But it will be along time to get them out of your head. You may do one day get them out of your head. But people like me, or my friend have never completly get it out of our heads. Some people don't i will tell you that. But you learn strategies to deal with these and diaries help. You can read back, and learn from it and check your progress out.
The only thing i find to stop my memories because i relieve everything that has happened to me everyday and it's been 5 years, is to keep busy. Do things and make plans. I have my job so i have that to focus on but this week i have been put on sick and was devastated and i have been trying to plans for my future, believing i have one. I have a wedding to plan and focus.
Focus on anything you can, one step at a time girl. You have my full support! Chat if you need to