I really liked this guy. He was a good friend (I thought) and when I was going through a rough place in my life, we started to get very intimate. I then decided to stop because I'm a christian and I was a virgin. He forced himself on me and told me how selfish I was for not allowing him. When I started bleeding (he didn't finish raping me), he said that it was because I resisted. I later asked him why he did it and he said he didn't rape me because I did not scream or call the cops on him. My sister was secretly dating him and even when she found out the truth she still dated him. I was guilty because I felt like I could have stopped him, like I should have fought, called the cops and also because I kind of covered it up because I was ashamed. I only recently accepted the fact that it was a rape but I'm still very guilty. I cry over my lost virginity. I talked to my pastor but she got me working on forgiveness and I'm not ready for it. My joy is to see him hurt but this will not help me but rob me of true joy. I feel like I'm being petty but this is very serious for me. Is there a someone who can help me?
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