If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
Today, I started getting really bad flashbacks, which have caused me to have panic attacks again and feel even more depressed than I was.
Something weird happened to trigger them. I was on my way back from seeing some friends in the pub for lunch to try and cheer myself up and I was stood at the lights, waiting to cross the road. Well this guy comes up behind me and brushes up against me a couple times with a weird smile on his face - he goes: 'oh...Im sorry' and winks. I hurry off as soon asI am able to cross the road.
Then further down the road we cross paths again and he turns around and grabs my bum with his hand, totally groping me. I jump forward and say 'f*** off' and he just laughs and goes 'see ya gorgeous'.
Well I start walking down the road, light a cigarette and fall apart.
I had a major panic attack.
This guy thinking that without any provocation or encouragement on my part, that he can just rub himself up against and touch women in the street.
It made me get flashbacks of what happened to me a year ago - stuff that I just had blocked out. I got home eventually, shaking and in tears and now I can't get anything out of my head.
I just feel like everyman I come into contact with feels like he can just take advantage of and/or hurt my body and/or emotions. Like this completely stranger groping me, my attacker (a guy I went on a date with) raping, beating and sexually assaulting me, and my ex boyfriend who emotionally abused me and messed with my head and heart for two years. Not to mention numerous other instances.
Wht is it about me that makes men think they can do this? How do I deal with the flashbacks?