Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I was raped by the brother of a friend 5 years ago. I moved soon after to another country so I didn't actually have to deal with seeing him. I recently went home again and the emotions were rediculous! I live in the ghetto so sometimes there are gunshots. I remember hoping he'd gotten shot one night and another night hoping that he got run over by a car. I'm not sure if these thoughts are normal because I went right to thew "I'm fine" place.
The rape happened in my house in the kitchen so I revisited that everyday all the time, which was a bit much. Some days I blocked it and other days I spazed. I saw him almost everyday for the time that I was back there and at one point he was so close to me I could smell him. I wanted to pass out or run away screaming but I just kept it cool and ignored him, as always.
I'm not sure how to be angry about this yet! I don't really get angry. I barely even raise my voice beyond it's normal register. I get upset and I don't talk because I know I won't be able to take back the things that I've said. I have crazy flashbacks sometimes and I freak out. Sometimes I wake up crying because I dream people touching me and I think it's him or another person coming to hurt me.
Does anybody have anything to offer?
The rape happened in my house in the kitchen so I revisited that everyday all the time, which was a bit much. Some days I blocked it and other days I spazed. I saw him almost everyday for the time that I was back there and at one point he was so close to me I could smell him. I wanted to pass out or run away screaming but I just kept it cool and ignored him, as always.
I'm not sure how to be angry about this yet! I don't really get angry. I barely even raise my voice beyond it's normal register. I get upset and I don't talk because I know I won't be able to take back the things that I've said. I have crazy flashbacks sometimes and I freak out. Sometimes I wake up crying because I dream people touching me and I think it's him or another person coming to hurt me.
Does anybody have anything to offer?
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
Second of all... I understand all of the confusing, awful things you're feeling. I wish I had some lovely jewel of wisdom to bestow upon you, but I don't. Every day for me is a struggle... I don't feel safe in my own bed, I don't feel safe going out...
I've had some very vivid fantasies about what I would do to each of my rapists. The first two, who raped me when I was 14, I want dead. Suffering and pain first, but in the end, very very dead. The guy who raped me this summer was someone I thought cared about me (hell, the entire time, he was telling me that he loved me and that he hoped I knew he would never do anything to hurt me, and then kept asking me to tell him I loved him too). I don't want him dead... I want him to live the rest of his miserable life feeling the pain I feel each and every damn day. I want him to feel dirty and degraded and sick inside. I want him to feel so violated that he can't stand to be in his own skin...
All of those fantasies, all of that anger - those are probably some of the only things keeping me alive at this point.
So I return to my first statement... get angry, girl! You don't have to scream, but punch a pillow, something. If he's coming into your family home, or coming around you while you're visiting, that just compounds what a shit he is (excuse the language), which gives you even more cause to be angry.
I realize this probably hasn't been helpful... but your post made my heart ache for you. I kinda had to respond, if that makes sense.
Take care of yourself.