okay so i was at group tonight and we were doing a mindfullness exercise and i closed my eyes and suddenly i saw the rape....i was turning my head back and forth as M raped me.....i was turning my head so forcefully, pleading with him to let me go, to stop, trying to get the towel out of my mouth, trying to fight as his hands held my wrists above my head.....then i grounded myself back.....i was on the train coming back home...i was by the doors to get off and itunred and i saw the eyes.....there was a guy hat looked like him.....curly hair and his eyes! THE EYES!!!!!!!!! and suddenly i felt the rape again......i was on the bed and i was closing my eyes os tight trying to forget this...and then i opened my eyes only to see his eyes staring back at me....the excitement in his eyes when he realized i 'd put up a fight and then the anger when he realized i wouldn't stop....the painful daggers his eyes shot me when i wouldnt' stop fighting.....the calmness his eyes protrayed when he strangled me adn the wildness when he dragged the knife over my face.....and then i grounded my self and as i was driving home it all came back...every part of it...i turned the music up in my car really loud and i was screaming all the wya back home....i could never remember how i got from a sitting postition to laying down and tonight i found out.....he stripped me of my clothes pulling them off and thrwoing them across the room then he forced me on my back....he pressed on my breasts casuing great pain.....he stripped down and then shoved me so my head was against the wall and then it all happened....why is this happening now?????!!!!!!!!!! i just wana forget!!!! help me please!!!!! i don't want to live in terror anymore!!! i just want my life back!!!!!!
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My FB was for family only.That changed ( political disagreement.Anyway.. down to 30 % lung function.Not trying to extend my life. ( not treating emphysema. Just keep hoping I can take myself out before I have a stroke or heart attack and end up more of a burden.Anywaay..My FB name is of course, misspelled..( I have technical issues..or user error