I am 24 years old. I have had a traumatic past dealing with sexual abuse. First and foremost I was raped on my 13th birthday by a guy I was dating at the time and a friend of his. I also contracted a curable std from this rape. However the incident made me very promiscuous and very troubled. I had basically grew out of that stage when I was almost raped by a now ex-friends lover. I went into a state of depression and tried to commit suicide by attempting to swallow a bottle of pills but I was stopped by a friend of mine. About 2 years later I got involved in an abusive relationship with someone that turned out to be a dopedealer. When I tried to leave one time he raped me and then beat me afterwards. I stayed out of fear and didn\'t tell anybody. After I finally did get enough strength and courage to leave he stalked me, broke in my house in which I think with every intent to do severe bodily harm, and on top of that his parents filed charges on me because I would not drop the charges against their son. One police officer that was over the case even told me that most of the time women go back and for me to do the noble thing and drop the charges so he could get back to a homicide case. Can u believe that! Last but not least almost four years ago I was raped by someone I considered to be a close friend and his friend when they drugged me at a party. I was unconscious during the rape and woke up in their hotel room with no clothes on at all and I was wrapped in a blanket. I went through a lot of drama with that and that\'s really a long story. On top of that I just lost my grandmother and her cousin whom i loved dearly and would move mountains for me but I never showed it because I pushed everybody away because of what happened to me. I am so hurt and I feel so guilty because i took them for granted but i didn\'t mean to It was like I didn\'t know how to show I loved someone and I\'m like that now. Even with men that I really like and get to care for I try to find something wrong or just out of complete skepticism find a way to make them dislike me. I have major trust issues and I don\'t know how to get close to someone. I cry at times and I went to a counselor who told me i was depressed and thats not it i\'m consumed with anger with why did all of this have to happen to me. Sure enough I grew up quick and i\'m very wise and mature for the average 24 year old but how do I cope with all this and try to develop a personal connection with someone to make myself feel complete. Please help me
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