I know what you mean....I keep calling it "the incident". Rape is a terrible word.

It is okay to say 'rape.' Some are uncomfortable with saying it so they key it in differently. Yes, rape is a terrible word, but that's what happened to me. I was raped and I will never forget it.

i do the same thing...not sure if it's good or bad (to avoid the word)...

i use "abuse", "assaulted"...and when i refer to therapy...i usually say "counseling" because the person you talk to in therapy has the R word in it... =/

I have progressed from not being able to say or type the word to being able to type it but still finding it difficult to say. From what I understand this is perfetly normal for a whole host of reasons!! I find it difficult because it makes the whole thing seem so real an I dnt want it 2 be.

I wouldn't say that this is something you HAVE to get over. However... you should look at the reasons behind why you find it hard to say and then work on it. As Cassie87 says... "break the shame" and take control!! xx

yes i do use the word rape thats how i see it so i tried 2b honest wiv myself

I think it is both normal...and something one needs to deal with. I believe it is imperitive that we all realize the terror of the act of rape. In so doing, we begin to process our own rapes as the horrific act it was. WAS is also a very important word...it places the rape in the past - not an issue that can continue to inflice the deep pain it once did.

Words and our interpretation of them can be pivotal in our recovery....RAPE ISN'T FINAL. I was raped in a horrificly terorizing way, but I am not finished by that rape. Yes, it transformed much of the life I should have had...but, my rape...a gang rape, it didn't finish me. So, I suppose I take exception to that thought process because I see the thought attached to the word as the more finalizing thing, NOT THE RAPE. I know that sounds harsh, but rape is harsh, life after rape - even harsher.

I want us all to be able to accept the fact that rape is an event in our past. It happened. But, it did not end US. We are still here...now what are we to do with that?
Life hasn't left us...we are left with life - so we must learn to live our lives in spite of the horror of rape.

My therapist says I minimize the account of my rape...I minimize the terror. I suppose that is true. I explained it here, in a journal comment to a new friend. I minimize the terror of my rape, because if I accept how completely terrorizing the event was, I fear being lost to the terror. That is one hang-up I will have to deal with in order to continue healing. I believe we each hold the power to heal, but accessing that power is very difficult, because we must wade through the pain to get to the power....we must face the terror, to get to the power. Our ability to heal lies in each of us, yes! But, our willingness to step back into the terror is a fearsome task, one many of us simply are ill-equipped to do - at least not without the help of a guiding hand.

IT IS RAPE! It is not the 'r' word, or r**e. or any other manner of letters and symbols. And ALL of you are right! Rape is an ugly word that represents an ugly event. I wouldn't have it any other way actually. Rape, if made a pretty term, detracts from the horror I have lived through. It diminishes the thing that stripped so much of my life away. If the word rape were anything but ugly, then the event I lived through - that I survived, well, that survival would mean less I suppose.

Rape is the word I use, although it wasn't always a word I could say, or write. So, perhaps THAT is a step toward healing we need to strive for - the step where we are able to at least identify what happened to us as rape. It just may take more time for some than others, and that is okay.

I am a proud and defiant woman. I am a proud and defiant woman who was gang-raped. I am a proud and defiant woman who was gang-raped and survived.

And, I am not finished yet!

I was raped over 5 years ago but I just a few weeks ago called it rape. For me, in order to move on with the healing process I have to call it what it is. I think everyone has their own preference and you have to do what's best for yourself.

I don't like calling it what it is either. I can type it out sometimes, but don't always choose to. I never say it. I try sometimes and it's like my throat closes up and I can't say anything.... I thought it was weird, for a long time. I thought I was weird for not being able to speak a simple four letter word. I used to watch a lot of Law and Order SVU... mostly because it's about good people fighting against sexual predators... but also they say the word ALOT on that show. I tried to watch without cringing, tried to condition myself to it or something. Ha! funny, right? Well I probably don't have to tell you that it never worked for a minute... I know what happened to me. I still can't say the word. I'll probably keep trying.
My mom always says, "if you can speak it, you can have power over it" She has been saying it all my life. I have yet to prove that theory wrong.... My advice to you is to try, if you can. Speak it. Have power over it. Best of luck...

Jezzia...I like your Mom's words. If you can speak it, you can have power over it....yes, I like these words alot.

Mockingbird I just love you. You are so right. It is easier to "minimize" because when you do that, you can go on about your daily life. I am afraid that if I really ever look at what happened and don't try to distance myself from it that I will just go crazy.

You know people recover from cancer and they get to just have normal lives. They may have a fear of it coming back, but it seems like most of them live normal happy lives after their recovery. Why can't we have that? (Not really a question, but just griping.)

Rape is a word like Holocost, if we try and not say it we are denying that it happened. Both are horrific events that should not be denied.

I say it and I face it. I repressed the emotions for 18 years until a friend looked at me and softly said, "you were raped."

It took that single word to wake me up from nearly two decades of denial. I'm not gonna backslide now.

I was raped. I was not r-worded.

I use the word as a blanket. Like if I use it people know what happened but don't know the severity of it. For me, it's an umbrella from what happened. It's easy to say and not explain. It's safe for me.

I personally am not a survivor, but even I shy away from using the word.

Fear of a word, or name, only increases the fear of the thing itself. And I am now empowered enough now to not let that fear control me or my language.
If people throw that word around jokingly, however, is if to say "Wow, that team playing that team lost so badly. They were really raped," I draw the line. That is just rude, like saying, "That show is gay."