I've come to terms with the fact that i will have good days and bad days and that sometimes i will be perfectly fine and other days i will b in the gutter whilst having lots of panic attacks. But the other day something happened which had never happened before, me and my b/f were having sex, I had wanted it to happen (he wud NEVER pressure me into anything, i no how lucky I am to have that)and something began to feel different, not physically different and not my usual panicky feeling i sometimes get but something not quite right, he asked me if i was ok and if i wanted 2 stop but thinking i was just being stupid i said no and we carried on. Then all of a sudden i froze and was absolutly paralysed with fear and it was like the rapist was on top of me again, i was used to this happening occasionally and usually in this situation i wud have a breathing type panic attack and sturuggle as if to get sum1 off me. But this time i was absolutly paralysed, i could not move matt was trying to talk 2 me and ask me wat was wrong but i cudnt talk either, i was trying to tell him that i didnt no wat was happening and i cud see he was worried, but i just cudnt say anything, in the end he just wrapped me up in the duvet and hugged me until eventually i got some of my movement back and cud speak 2 tell him that i was ok.

I no this message seems like a bit of a ramble but has this ever happened 2 any1 before? i've had panic attacks etc. but this scared me SO much i'm worried that its going to happen again, i no it doesnt't seem like much but i'd appriciate some feedback. thank you. xxx