Hello everyone. This is a big step for me since my rape 3 & a 1/2 years ago I have done my best to put it behind me. I did not call the police, I did not go to the doctors. I told noone for a long time and even now only a very select few even know what happened. I have went to a local support group a couple of times but could not sit through a whole meeting. Hearing all those things made it to up front and in my face for me to deal with. I thought I had done a pretyy good job at being at peace with this. Even through the major anxiety attacks I frequently suffer from now. I have managed to put it in the back of my head where I don't have to think about it much. He was a stranger that a friend brought to my house and in her own selfishness to be with some guy left this guy who raped me there. We had been out that night and I was beyond thinking. I tried as hard as I could to stay awake. I told him it wasn't going to happen. I ended up passing out and when I came too he was carrying me to the couch. I did everything I could to fight back. To no avail. Since this happened I have only seen him once from across a room. Which I promptly left(in tears). But a week and a half ago I was ordering a drink and when I turned around he was standing right behind me. I froze and he tried to talk to me. I told him not to talk to me and walked outside where we were playing volleyball.By the time I got outside I was crying and hyperventilating. I walked over to my friend who knows what happened and turned around and he had followed me out. I said I needed to leave. I was freaking out. My friends told him he needed to leave. Which he did. Then I left. Since then I have been having vivid flashbacks of the night the rape happened. I am falling apart and find it to hard to talk about with anyone I know. So I am turning to you all. I am a very strong person and it really bothers me that I could not stop this. I am full of alot of anger for what he took away from me. I don't know what to do. Where to start. I am obviously not having dealt with this as much as I thought. I would like some advice please. How do I get past this. Esspecially knowing that he is back in town and I will be running into him. I don't want to have to cry and not be able to breathe everytime I do. Please Help!!!!!!
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