I've realized that I've dealt with what I went through by not dealing with it. I push it to the back of my mind and move on with life. I'm afraid no one will believe me or blame me for everything. I do fine living my life. It only bothers me when I think about it, so I usually don't. But at times like tonight when I'm stressed or feeling down about life, it always comes back to my mind. I'm upset that I let it happen. I'm upset I let them get away with it. I did report the last person that hurt me, but I didn't follow through with it because I got scared he would try to harm me if he found out. I did try counseling once, but it was too uncomfortable for me so I never went back. I'm ashamed and don't like talking about it. My best friend confided in me that she is a rape survivor and encourages me to go through with filing a report on my friend for what he did. I just want it to go away. I don't want to think about it. I live in fear of bumping into them while I'm out one day. I'm depressed and tired of feeling like this. I know it's my fault. I should've known. I look at women who are strong and outspoken and wish I could be like them. I feel like if I was, this would've never happened to me. Instead I'm too trusting, quiet, and soft-spoken, and seem to have easy-target written on my forehead. I feel stupid and humiliated. Sorry for rambling. I'm just in my feelings tonight and have no one to talk to.
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